


Can We Love

by TheMiddleChild6368



Category: Naruto
Genre: Abusive Parents, Arranged Marriage, Denial of Feelings, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Possessive Hatake Kakashi, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:46:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 28,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28414848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMiddleChild6368/pseuds/TheMiddleChild6368
Summary: (Y/N) was to be married to Kakashi Hatake. A ninja from the Leaf Village her family was allied to. But she didn't know him, couldn't even tell you what he looked like. He would take care of her, at least that's what everyone said. But she didn't want someone to take care of her, she wanted someone to actually care about her. As her escape attempt was foiled and she resigned herself to her fate, an ever present question of possibilities whispered doubt into her ears. Could she love a man she never met? And maybe, more importantly, if she can, could he love her?
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

**Gorgeous Was Reserved For Her**

Light filtered through the creaks of the heavy red drapes that were hung against the large glass windows.

It lit up the large room, basking it with a comfortable warmth.

I sighed, it was days like this that always found a way to ruin me.

I always felt content to just drift off to sleep, the gentle warmth lulling me away. 

_Knock knock…_

“My Lady? The Headmistress wishes to speak with you. Are you awake yet?”

Blinking the blurriness from my eyes I tried to clear the fog from my head.

“My Lady?” 

“Yes, please come in.” I rasped out, voice cracking from unuse.

Clearing my throat I untangled myself from the heavy blankets and crawled out of bed.

The woman walked in tentatively and immediately set to work. She pulled the blinds open despite my answering growl and began to make my bed.

Batting her hands away I made her forget the endeavor in favor of pulling me towards the bathroom. 

“Lisa! Please, what’s the hurry?” I asked as she roughly undressed me.

Attempting to stop her hands I pushed them away and undressed by myself.

Slipping into the bath I sank into the heated water with a pleasant sigh.

Lisa picked up the discarded clothes and threw them into a hamper. 

“The Headmistress wishes to speak with you shortly. She didn’t sound very pleased.”

Lisa bowed respectfully.

“I will be back with some breakfast. Please be dressed by the time I return My Lady.”

Then she slipped out of the bathroom silently.

Washing my face with the soothing water I tried to shake my nerves.

Lisa seemed worried, and I don’t blame her. My mother wasn’t the friendly type, if I kept her waiting who knows what will happen to the poor servants in her sight. 

Lisa was a pretty woman, with short black hair and pretty brown eyes. Her cheeks were round and rosy, an average figure and lightly tanned skin. She was kind, but not friendly. Quiet and submissive, but not a pushover.

Lisa was handpicked as a background filler.

She wasn’t too pretty to outshine, but she wasn’t too unappealing to cause a commotion.

No, Mother would never allow anyone of either classification to work in the Manor. 

They were supposed to be a background for her, a blank canvas that never drew attention away from her.

The only exception was me.

She made sure I stood out, but never outshined her.

She wanted me to find a wealthy husband, and to do that I have to look beautiful, but never gorgeous.

Gorgeous was reserved for her. 

Getting out of the tub I went to fetch some clothing. Pulling on a simple white dress I went to sit at my vanity and began to brush my hair.

Mother was certainly beautiful, a voluptuous physique, shining jewels for eyes, and pretty lush hair always pulled up into some sort of fancy updo.

But despite her beauty, she still craves more.

Every dance, every dinner, I see her attempt to suck out every beautiful thing in the room. 

“Wonderful! Now, eat up, I sense the Headmistress growing impatient.” Lisa exclaimed as she set a silver platter beside me.

Diving in, I stuffed my face with the simple breakfast.

Once done Lisa ushered me out of the room, hasty hands pushing me down the hall and towards my mother's chamber.

Once I stood in front of the door, Lisa bowed politely and scampered away.

I looked to the gold handle of the mahogany door, simple and unassuming to the anxiety that hits me every time I attempt to use it.

Shaking myself I steeled my expression and stood up straight, opening the door carefully. 

“Hello Mother. Lisa informed me you requested my presence.” I said awkwardly, trying not to wring my hands.

Mother stood by the window, her back to me. 

“Well, it’s about time. You took quite a while _child_.” She snapped at me, finally turning around.

Her stern expression twisted sharply into a grin.

It unnerved me.

“Now that you’re here, I can finally share the wonderful news!” She clapped her hands happily and went to her large vanity.

It was bigger than mine, painted silver to contrast her darker walls.

She beckoned me over and pushed me into the plush seat of the vanity.

The perfectly manicured hands on my shoulders felt like stone.

She brought her face close to mine and looked into the mirror, smiling. 

“You are finally useful my dear.” She whispered before standing back up and walking around to face me.

“I finally found you a husband!”

Shocked, I stared at her in disbelief. 

“What? But Mother-”

I was flabbergasted, my heart felt like a rock in my chest.

My mother cut me off harshly. 

“Are you not happy? You ungrateful little brat! I go through the effort of hunting down a husband and you discard all my efforts!”

Her face flushed red in rage and I bent my head low. 

“No Mother. That is not what I meant. I was merrily confused, this was quite sudden.”

I tried to fix her mood, relenting to her will. 

“Good. Now, the wedding will be next week. There is much to do!”

Snapping my head up I tried to reel in my rage.

Taking a deep breath I gripped the fabric of my dress desperately. 

“That is rather soon Mother, I don’t even know his name.”

She tutted and began to pace. 

“His name is Kakashi Hatake. I had attempted to gain the Sandaime’s son but that request was refused. It seems the Sandaime believes in free will or something.”

She waved her hand dismissively.

“For how long he’s been doing this I’m surprised he still believes in that. Everything is arranged for a greater goal dear, when I married your father it was to bring peace between our families. Marrying Hatake will show our loyalty to the Leaf Village. As a Daimyo's daughter it is your job to further the influence of our family. What better way than marrying a man with a high possibility of reaching Hokage status?"

I gaped at my mother, rage simmering low in my gut. But years of experience taught me the proper way to deal with her. 

“What exactly is his status?” I asked, attempting to keep her happy. 

“He is currently a Jonin, but he had reached ANBU Captain before. Many have attempted a marriage with him, as he is quite the eligible bachelor. How lucky you are that he said yes!” 

“He agreed to this?” I asked, confusion momentarily overtaking my anger. 

“Yes! It certainly took me by surprise, I mean, dear you aren’t exactly wife material. But! I sent in a request and he just accepted!”

Hurt hit me at her little jab. She claimed I would never satisfy my husband, I was too pig-headed and useless around the house.

“So he gets to choose but I don’t?” I asked meekly, gulping around a rock in my throat. 

“Exactly dear. I’m glad you understand. Now, we are setting out in an hour, be sure to pack everything you need. We will stay in a guest building the Sandaime has offered us. Once the wedding is done you will move in with Hatake. With the money the Sandaime is paying I’ll finally be able to buy that dress I’ve wanted…” My mother trailed off, mumbling to herself as she busied herself around the room. 

“The money? What do you mean? Is…is the Sandaime _buying_ me?” I asked, standing up harshly, knocking over her nail polish bottles that were scattered about the vanity. 

“Watch your tone! And no he’s not buying you! Who would ever _buy_ you?” She yelled, incredulously, hinting that being bought would have been an honor. 

“He bought a well mannered girl that wouldn’t cause any trouble! Obviously I overqualified your wife capabilities. No wife would cause this much trouble over such an opportunity! You ungrateful child!” She roared at me, yanking on my hair. 

“When I married your halfwit of a father I knew my place! It’s well past time you learned yours!”

Then she let go and I ran out, tears streaming down my cheeks but never making a peep.

I would have plenty of time to cry when Hatake is out on missions and I am left all alone and miserable. 


	2. How Could He Do This To Me?

“The Hokage will see you now.” A ninja, a Chunin, I believe, said as he held the door open for my mother and I.

I kept my head bowed, not wanting to see the man my mother sold me to.

During the trip from my home to the Village, I had ample time to think about things.

As a Jonin he will be out on missions, which means he won’t be home often.

 _Hopefully_ , at least.

He probably expects me to be intimate with him, my mother is certainly expecting a child by next year, he probably is as well.

I know nothing of this man, not what he looks like, not his personality, or what he expects from me.   
  
‘ _How am I to be faithful to a man I don’t love? How could he even want to go through with this? Mother said the Sandaime believes in free will, and yet this is happening to me!’_

Blinking away the tears I came to a stop beside my mother.   
  
“Ah, (Y/N) dear, I apologize but Kakashi is not here with us. I know you were hoping to meet him.”

I snapped my head up in shock, looking around I noticed no one else but the three of us were gathered in the room.

Sighing in relief I turned back to the Hokage.   
  
“Hmmm. You seem rather relieved. I would have thought you would be excited to meet him.”

The Hokage watched me with keen eyes, I looked away in shame.   
  
“Haha, my silly girl is just nervous.” My mother said, pinching me harshly.   
  
“Yeah…I mean yes. I’m just really nervous sir.” I said, rubbing the spot she pinched. 

“He has a tendency to be late. But I swear he will be on time for the wedding.”

Sandaime took a breath of his pipe, blowing out smoke.

When I didn’t respond my mother elbowed me.

Jumping slightly I cleared my throat and bowed. 

“Thank you for allowing me to marry such an esteemed bachelor. I hear that many wished for his hand and I am eternally grateful.” I said robotically, the statement drilled into my head during the trip. 

“Kakashi is the one who accepted. He’s a good man, sure to treat you right. I know this probably isn’t ideal, but the Leaf values you greatly and we are honored you chose one of our own.” The Sandaime said lightly.

I felt my throat constrict.

Part of me wanted to scream, but it wasn’t worth the consequences of embarrassing my mother. 

‘ _I didn’t choose this! I didn’t want this! My mother chose! Hatake agreed! No one cares what I want!’_ I thought viciously.

I clenched my fists tightly, glaring at the floor with a vengeance. 

“And as a token of our good will please accept this.”

The Sandaime placed a heavy pouch onto his desk, it hit the wood with a clank.

My mother almost snatched it off of the desk, I imagined her foaming at the mouth for the currency.

My mother and I bowed before being escorted out and to the building, we will be staying in.

It was a short walk through the streets of Konoha. All of our stuff had already arrived and was put in place by the maids. 

“Well that certainly could have gone better. You should have minded your manners with the Sandaime.” Mother scolded harshly before sighing dramatically and stomping away. 

‘ _I’m the one who should be throwing a fit! How could you do this to me?’_ I shouted in my head, immensely aware that if these words would ever be spoken aloud Mother would jump into a speech about how she had to put up with my father. 

“My Lady? I can take you to your room.”

A maid gently grasped my arm and led me to my room.

The building we were staying in was small compared to the Manor, but it was cozy and suitable for a Daimyo's family.

My room was sparsely decorated, Mother refused to let me bring anything she deems intrusive to my soon-to-be husband.

All I could bring was simple necessities, like clothes, and anything I could sneak in.

She said the items would make me seem obnoxious to Hatake, that I would come on too strong.   
  
‘ _He’s the one agreeing to marry me! Yet I’m the one coming on too strong?’_

I growled and fell onto the bed dramatically.

‘ _How am I to marry a man who can’t even handle the real me?’_

Flipping around I stared at the ceiling. 

‘ _How am I to live with a ninja? How am I to sleep with some man I’ve never even met! He didn’t even show up to meet me! Am I some joke to him?’_

A few tears slipped out of my control and before I knew it I was sobbing into my pillow. 

“What type of man forces a woman to marry him and then refuses to actually meet her! To dare that he would be late to this blasted wedding! To strip my life from me!” My voice broke. 

‘ _How could he do this to me?’_

With grief and anger simmering into my bones I fell asleep hatefully imagining what type of man could ruin my life. 


	3. How Can I Make Nice?

Waking up to the smell of pasta I rolled out of bed to open the door.

A maid with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes startled and held the food up.

Lisa stood behind her patiently.

Opening the door wider I took the tray and brought it to my bed with a quiet thank you to the woman. Lisa followed me in.   
  
“Lisa, where are the boxes of all my stuff? I asked you not to open them.” I asked between noodles, Mother would have a heart attack if she saw me like this.

Eyes red, nose stuffy, cheeks blotchy, mouth stuffed with noodles.   
  
“Your mother found them and asked me to get rid of them.” Lisa said sadly, she opened her mouth to say more but I cut her off.

Jumping up the noodles spilled across the bed and Lisa gasped, immediately attempting to clean it up.

Running out of the room I searched the building for my mother, rage pushed me as I stormed through the halls.

Once I found her room I slammed the door open, leaning heavily against the doorway as I panted.   
  
“What in God’s name are you doing! How dare you-”

Her screech was cut off as I marched up to her.   
  
“How dare I? _HOW DARE I?_ How dare you! They were mine! Mine! How could you do this to me?” I screamed at her, tears falling down my cheeks.

After all these years, I made the same mistake again and again.

I thought she actually cared.

But she doesn’t.

I am nothing but a way of furthering her wealth.   
  
A loud clap resonating throughout the room, then the pain sprouted across my cheek and I stared at the far wall.   
  
“That is quite enough. I won’t have a thankless _child_ raising her voice at me. The disrespect! You are going to marry Hatake, you are going to give him a child, and you are going to do it all while smiling! Do you understand   
(Y/N)!” Her voice rose with each word until she was screaming at me hatefully.

Clenching my fists I nodded my head sharply, swiftly turning to leave. 

“Drake dear, escort this petulant child back to her room. Don’t let her leave.” Mother ordered our servant Drake.

He was a tall man with slicked-back black hair and thin pale skin. His eyes are a cruel brown.

He nodded briskly and snatched my elbow, walking back to my room.

Once we got there I waited for him to leave but he didn’t, he just silently stared at me.

Huffing I opened and slammed the door shut.

But still, he did not leave.

Sliding against the wall I banged my head against the plaster. 

“How could they do this to me? Hatake, Mother, the Sandaime.” I whispered, tears beginning to form again.

A light breeze wafted through the room and I looked to the open window.

Getting up I glanced out of it. It was a large drop, but maybe...

I looked back to the bed with uncertainty, but nothing was waiting there for me.

My mother made sure of that.

Looking back out the window determinedly I nodded my head. 

Finding a pair of scissors on the desk to my right, along with a bunch of paper and pens.

I debated if I should write a letter or not, but decided against it.

Gripping the scissor tightly I began to raggedly cut the dress I was wearing.

Now at a length that wouldn’t hinder me, I reach out of the window and to the tree branch just above my head.

Pulling myself up I shakily climbed onto it. The bark cut into my legs and hands, but I ignored it.

Managing to make it onto the branch I shimmied across it and to the base, climbing into the tree center.

My dress caught but I ripped it down. Attempting to climb down I almost fell a few times, but then I would catch myself and try again. 

“Almost there, almost there…” I murmured to myself as I strained my fingers. 

“What are you doing?” A voice rang out from behind me and I gasped, losing my grip on the tree and falling.

I fell into a pair of strong arms and looked up to see a man with a beard and a cigarette.

“Woah there. Gotta be more careful.” The man said, gently putting me down.

The man had gentle brown eyes and chestnutty hair. He was wearing a Jonin vest. Something constricted in my chest as I stared at the vest. 

“Asuma-Sensei?” Someone from behind him asked tentatively and he turned to them.

I let out a breath of relief. 

‘ _It’s not Hatake.’_

Yet, despite the relief, I’m a little disappointed.

The feeling was odd, I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. I’m running away, leaving this life to go and live my own. 

“What’s your name miss?” Asuma asked, eyeing my ripped dress.

Cursing I brushed my destroyed skirt and looked away. 

“Oh I’m…I’m just a maid here, I have something I’ve got to do so…um…excuse me!”

I turned to run but only got about three steps before Drake was in my sights.

Faltering, I looked between Drake and Asuma. 

“Lady (Y/N), you were not supposed to leave your room.” Drake eyed me distastefully. 

“Lady (Y/N)? Aren’t we supposed to be showing you around?” Asuma asked, walking up behind me. 

“That is correct. Lady (Y/N) will go change immediately. Be sure not to let her out of your sight.” Drake gripped my wrist tightly, and as he dragged me back to my room I felt my freedom go with it.

Asuma and three other children walked behind us, but I barely acknowledged them as I was forced back to the room. 

“You, go and make sure she doesn’t run again.” Drake demanded while he forced me into the room.

“Change into something more appropriate.”

He shoved a girl with long blonde hair, pulled into a simple ponytail, and purple clothes with blue eyes, into the room before slamming the door shut.

I stared at the door silently. The girl cleared her throat, wearing a disturbed expression. 

“Hello. My name is Ino.”

I glanced at her, she seemed confused and nervous. It made me pity her, but she still helped ruin my escape.

Without acknowledging her I pulled something out of the closet and changed into it. 

“Your Sensei said you’ll be showing me around. Does he mean the Village?” I asked quietly.

“Yes, we were tasked by the Hokage to show you around since…you’ll be living…here?” She asked hesitantly as I glared at her.

I felt bad about being rude, but she brought it upon herself.

I snapped the door open and walked out, squaring my shoulders, and holding my head high.

Ignoring Drake I began to walk to the exit. Asuma and his team followed me awkwardly.

Once outside and away from Drake Asuma took the lead. 

“So, where should we go first?” He asked, strolling casually.

I said nothing to him, despite the question being addressed to me. 

“Maybe we should go to the Hokage Mountain?”

I looked to the kid that spoke. He was heavier set, orange hair shooting out of his oddly worn headband like two ears. He had a swirl on each cheek, a scarf around his neck, and a green button-up that hung open and loose over his yellow shirt.  
  
Looking to the other child I eyed him curiously. His brown hair was pulled into a ponytail and spiked out. Intelligent brown eyes watched me lazily. He wore a fishnet shirt under a grey crop top-like shirt that was open in the front.   
  
“Great Idea. Lady (Y/N), this is Choji and this is Shikamaru and Ino. I am Asuma. We will be showing you around the Village for a bit, get you used to the place.” He spoke kindly, but I couldn’t bear to respond.

He ruined my escape.

Just like Mother, Hatake, Drake, and the Hokage are ruining my life and no matter how nice they may seem, none of them are attempting to help me.

None of them care about me, about what I want or choose. None of them are friends, which means they have to be enemies.   
  
“Oh! Say, Lady (Y/N) are you hungry? I know a great place we can go before heading to Hokage Mountain, what do you say?” Asuma asked, seeming to attempt at breaking the ice.

I refused to look at him or give an answer. He sighed heavily and I heard Ino whisper to the others.   
  
“What’s her deal? We’re showing her around and she’s treating us like this?”

I ignored the ping in my chest.

They are my enemies. 

“Shut up Ino. You don’t know anything about her. She probably has a good reason to be angry with us. I mean we did ruin her escape.” Someone drawled, I didn’t recognize the voice so I assumed it was Shikamaru.

Ino huffed and I saw Asuma cringe. Choji was munching loudly on a bag of chips. 

“That’s another thing, why was she running? What’s there to escape?” Ino asked, I could hear the sneer. 

“Alright! This is the place!” Asuma exclaimed loudly, ending their conversation.

We entered a quaint little place, it had just enough customers to seem popular but not enough to be overbearing.

Asuma led us to a booth and he waited for me to climb in. 

“Afraid I’ll run if you give me an opening?” I asked, amused.

Then I cursed myself for breaking my silent treatment.

He gave an awkward laugh and I glared when I realized I was correct.

Huffing I climbed into the seat and pouted, leaning my head against the wall and glaring down at the menu.

Asuma climbed in after me, giving me just enough space to be comfortable.

A waitress came over and asked for our orders.

When she got to me I smiled politely at her. 

“I won’t be having anything today thank you.”

Then I went back to staring at the table. 

“She’s lying. Why don’t you get both of us the special? Thank you.”

Asuma handed the woman the menus. 

“Ok that’s it! What is your problem? I’ve had enough of this childish attitude! You’re an adult! Act like it!” Ino was one octave below a yell.

I eyed her, face perfectly blank. But on the inside, I was raging. 

“Now Ino…She is our customer. You should treat her-” 

“You’re right. I am acting childishly. I apologize for my obnoxious silent treatment.” I snipped politely.

An awkward silence descended upon us before Ino cleared her throat. 

“Well, as long as you…get it…” She hurriedly took a swing of water to get out of talking any longer. 

“Ok! Here’s your food, please enjoy!”

The waitress placed our meals down expertly.

The meal certainly did look delicious.

Stubbornly I wanted to refuse the food, but there would be no point.

I already acknowledged my childish behavior.

Yet, I can’t rage against anyone, the petty silent treatment was the only way I knew how to deal with anything.

Not that it’s actually _dealing_ with it.

It’s not like it even makes me feel better.

I just…don’t know what else to do. 

‘ _How can I make nice when my life is being upended?’_

Deciding my hunger comes before my stubbornness for once I tentatively took a bite.

I hummed in satisfaction. 

“It’s good isn’t it?” Asuma asked kindly, smiling at me gently.

I stubbornly ignored his comment until I swallowed. 

“The meal is suitable.” I said quietly.

Part of me hoped he wouldn’t hear it.

That hope died as he laughed, I blushed in embarrassment but swallowed it down with another bite.

The three children began to converse about one thing or another. I stayed quiet as I ate and Asuma didn’t push me. 

“Naruto said that Kakashi-Sensei’s signing them up for the Chunin exams.” Choji said between bites.

Ino yelled at him for talking with his mouth full.

Asuma glanced at me in concern. 

‘ _So Asuma knows but the children do not? Guess that explains Ino’s question.’_

I chose not to display any of my feelings. But as I ate I listened carefully to their conversation. 

“Yeah, we all talked it over with the Hokage actually. I’m thinking of signing you guys up as well.” Shikamaru sighed and mumbled under his breath. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea Sensei? I mean we are rookies.” Ino asked wearily. 

“I think by the time the exams roll around you will be ready.” The conversation started to die and before I could help myself I jumped into it. 

“This Kakashi-Sensei…is…he a good Sensei?” I asked hesitantly.

Asuma shot me a surprised look but I ignored it.

I also ignored the screaming in the back of my head, ignoring it’s insistent ‘ _Stop, you don’t care. You don’t want to know anything, don’t want to like him or be curious. You want to be mad, raise hell, make them all pay’_ in favor of listening for the answer. 

“Well, I don’t actually know anything about the man, but if he made Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura good enough for the Chunin exams then he must be some type of miracle worker.” Shikamaru drawled lazily.

I wanted to ask more, but I was afraid to. 

“Kakashi’s a good man.” Asuma said softly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

Then he got up.

“Alright, let's get to the Mountain. Lady (Y/N)?” Asuma held out a hand for me and I took it hesitantly. 

“You promise?” I asked him, knowing he’ll understand what I mean. 

“I promise. He’ll take care of you.” He smiled encouragingly.

I had mixed feelings about his statement.

Part of me felt curious, even _hopeful_.

But another part, a more aggressive one, felt angry and offended. 

“I don’t need someone to take care _of_ me.” I snapped and Asuma visibly backed off.

Then, much more quietly, whispered, “I just need someone to care _about_ me.” 

‘ _If he’s such a good man, could we learn to love each other?’_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We reached Hokage Mountain just before sunset.

We had made a lot of detours before coming here, Asuma filling me in on Konoha’s history.

It was quite interesting, a memorizing Village.

I found myself becoming less angry the more enchanted with the Village I became.

Part of it made me happy that I was forgetting my problems for a while. But another part was angry, which made me feel like I was betraying myself.   
  
The sight from on top of Hokage Mountain was truly a sight to behold.

The sun hung low in the sky, turning the bright blue into soft pinks and oranges. It basked the village in a soft glow, a peaceful lull falling over the buildings.   
  
“You know, it’s okay to be curious about your future husband.” Asuma came to stand next to me as we watched the children.

I stayed silent.   
  
“Do you think I could love him?” I asked in a moment of vulnerability.

Mother would have scolded me for this but I couldn’t help the question.   
  
“I think that with the right attitude anyone can learn to do anything.”   
  
“That didn’t answer my question.”   
  
“I don’t exactly have enough information on you to answer.”

I relented for a moment, thinking over his response.   
  
“I suppose you’re right.”

We stood in silence for a moment, neither sure what to say.

Ino started scolding Shikamaru about something or another.   
  
“He’s a good man.” Asuma said, at last, voice contemplative.   
  
“So everyone keeps saying. But he’s still forcing me to marry him.” I scoffed, anger sizzling my skin.   
  
“He doesn’t want this either.” Asuma’s statement hit me like a ton of bricks.   
  
“ _What!”_ I almost yelled, completely taken aback.

I turned to stare Asuma down, but he just looked out at the Village, smoking. 

“The Council had been leaning on him for years. The Hokage’s tried to protect him but it’s not working anymore.” 

“He’s a ninja! Can’t he just refuse? The Hokage’s son did!”

I felt like I was bagging, grappling at scraps to understand.

Asuma startled a little and then finally turned to me, eyes somber. 

“No one can do anything about the Council. The newer clan heads have also advocated for Kakashi but…well just like how you can do nothing about your mother, Kakashi can do nothing about the Council. He’s as much a prisoner as you.”

The new information shocked me, making doubt turn within my stomach. 

‘ _Perhaps he’s not as bad as I thought?’_

“If he were to run away he’d be branded as a Missing Nin?” I asked meekly, already knowing the answer.

Asuma nodded solemnly. 

“As for the Hokage's son…Sorry about that. I have a girlfriend I'm pretty serious about. The Council won’t split up something that’s already there.”

Asuma put out his cigarette and I nodded miserably.

The situation was a lot more than I took it for.

I was only thinking about myself and taking everything at face value-

“Wait, you’re the Sandaime’s son?” I snapped at him, confusion plastered all over my face.

Asuma nodded and gave a light chuckle before he fell serious again. 

“It’s okay to be angry. You’re stuck in an unfair situation. But there's no getting out of it. Kakashi is a good man, he won’t force you to do anything you don’t want. Knowing him he’ll probably give you the bedroom and sleep on the freaking couch.”

Asuma dropped into a mumble here, but then he spoke up again.

“You can either try and make this work or you can be angry forever. Watching you today I fully believe you are capable of both, don’t let your anger at your mother stop you from enjoying your life.” 

“But being angry is all I know, how can I just…just… _accept_ this?” I gave a frustrated sigh. 

“By letting go. You had fun today didn’t you? You let go today, and you can do it again. This is a good Village, by the way you were looking at everything I know you’ll love it here. Just give it a chance to charm you. I’m sure you can work out something with Kakashi. Worst comes to worst you’ll be friends with an open marriage!” Asuma jokes, shrugging as I wrinkled my nose.

Open marriages were common, yet looked down upon when it is directly stated.

“Hey, I’m just listing options. Talk things out with Kakashi. He’ll listen.”

Asuma seemed so sure that Hatake would be patient and understanding, it made any complaints fall back down my throat like a large pill, swallowing my worries.

The wedding was in two days, and I could fret about something I couldn’t control.

Or I could live my remaining day of freedom having fun. 

“Asuma…Mother would never let me go by myself but…if you took me out then Drake wouldn’t be able to stop me. Take me out tomorrow, bring your girlfriend if you want, I don’t want to be stuck in my room stewing over something that’s going to happen no matter what I do. I want my last days as a free woman to be memorable.”

“Sure. But you’re not going to be held captive, you’ll still have freedom.” He pointed out with a stern expression.

I smiled humorlessly. 

“We’ll see.”

With a grim smile, I turned back to the setting sun.


	4. Who The Fuck Did My Mother Hire?

As promised, Asuma took me out around the Village.

He even brought his girlfriend, a kind woman named Kurenai.

She was also a Jonin instructor and had gladly given me all the embarrassing stories of her young students.

But then Asuma would say something I couldn't understand and then they would make cute faces at each other over a joke I would never understand.

I know that I had invited her, and I _did_ enjoy her company.

I just enjoyed it less when Asuma would push back a curl of her deep brown hair, or stare into her kind red eyes.

She was a beautiful woman, capable of finding herself a nice man that she was _happy_ with, while I was stuck under my mother's heel.

I couldn't care less that they were _together_ , but I was jealous of the looks they gave.

They have something I feared I never would, and it infuriated me.

I found their company becoming less and less welcome.

We were no longer a small group hanging out to distract me from my inevitable wedding, but I started to feel as though I was interfering with a date.

It was natural and expected, but it still annoyed me.

I became background noise, like the servants back at the Manor.

They made sure to include me when it was necessary, but I knew the truth.

I was a nuisance, as my mother always said, and it was time for me to go.

' _But I don't want to go back yet.'_

I bit my lip and slowed to a stop, watching Asuma laugh at the quiet joke Kurenai whispered to him.

Deciding it best not to disturb them I silently slipped away.

Sometimes I prided myself on my ability to disappear, which made me feel like a ninja as a child.

But then I grew up and my dreams of being a fellow shinobi perished with every immobile dress or heels my mother forced upon me.

Slipping through the busy streets of Konoha was satisfying, almost freeing.

I wondered, briefly, if I could, _should_ escape?

But the thought was fleeting.

It wouldn't be fair to Hatake, after all.

Asuma made it clear that if he doesn't marry me then he'll be forced to marry someone else.

He couldn't run, so why should I be allowed to forsake everything when he can't?

It wouldn't be fair.

At least with me, he would have freedom.

What if the next girl was some stuck up snob?

I, at least, won't inconvenience him.

' _Mother always taught me how to be a proper wife,'_ I thought bitterly, _'But to hell with that. I'll just stay out of his way like some roommate, that way neither one of us feels obligated to anything.'_

Hanging my head I watched the feet of the crowd absently.

I was taught to be a proper wife, yet I was never any good at it.

Sure, I could do the basics, but I was never enough for my mother's approval.

' _Who cares? I'm not gonna run around and cook dinner, clean, or please some man I couldn't care less about!'_ I thought heatedly, cursing whoever decided that was what it meant to be a wife.

Suddenly, I crashed into something solid and strong, it made me stumble back and trip over my feet, but an arm slid around my back to steady me.

Blinking up at the man that both saved and endangered my life from another tumble I tried to steady my breathing.

Once calmed down he let me go and...smiled at me?

The man was tall, I came up to his shoulder. He wore a skin-tight black shirt that hugged his figure, showing off his cut waist and strong chest, his arm muscles clearly showing through. Beyond that, I could only say that he had pretty silver hair and a lone cryptic black eye because the rest of his face was covered in a black mask, pulled up and over his sturdy nose and covering his cheeks. His Leaf headband tilted down to cover his left eye.

He had an air of charm to him, an aloofness making him even more mysterious. The quarter of his skin shown was pale, highlighting the black fabric.

"Must be more careful, what if I couldn't catch you?" He teased, voice mischievous.

His eye turned into an upside-down U, seemingly to be interpreted as a smile.

Flushing I gave a little bow.

He was handsome, seemingly a decent personality.

I wondered briefly what rank he was, he didn't have a jacket, so I couldn't be sure.

I wasn't used to the ninja life, most of its commonalities evaded my understanding.

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going." I looked up bashfully, fidgeting just slightly.

He shrugged calmly, I expected him to walk away, but he seemed to pause to think, staring down at me.

"Why were you in such a rush?" He asked gently, coaxing a response from me.

Blushing I thought back to how my emotions drove me to a crisp walk.

Clearing my throat I looked away.

"I was...just in a...hurry?" I cursed the light question to my tone.

Mother would surely scold me for losing control.

"A hurry? For what?" He asked, whipping out a book.

I was taken aback. Here he was speaking to me and yet he chose to read a book instead of listening to an answer?

Furthermore, why was he still talking to me?

Did I look suspicious or something?

' _Oh shit! What if he knows who I am and thinks I'm running away? Mother would have surely paid someone to keep an eye on me.'_

The thought filled me with dread and I attempted to leave the conversation.

"I'm just supposed to meet someone. Speaking of I really must be going."

I stepped past him, attempting to escape his overpowering aura.

He fell into step behind me.

"Who are you visiting?" He asked lazily, and I cursed.

"Just a friend, they're showing me around the Village today." I said, scanning for Asuma and Kurenai.

"Seems kinda counterintuitive if they're asking you to meet them somewhere when you aren't familiar with the place."

I heard a page turn.

' _This asshole! Why is he following me if he doesn't care?'_

I growled under my breath.

"I don't know what you mean, I was in this part of the Village yesterday."

I tried to cover up the slight panic I felt.

In truth, I had no idea where I was.

"Hmmm. Is that so?" He asked, a slight uptick to his tone.

He found this amusing.

Whipping around I put my hands on my hips and leaned forward, trying to catch his eye.

If he was startled by the sudden stop he didn't show it.

Calmly he lowered the book just slightly.

"What in god's name is so interesting about a book while you fucking follow me?" I raged, Mother would kill me for cursing at the man.

He blinked at me before he eye-smiled again.

Huffing I eyed the book and gasped, attempting to snatch it. His hand was tucking it away into the pouch on his thigh before I could reach it though.

"You're reading that trash?" I asked, staring at where he put the small monstrosity of literature.

He seemed momentarily defensive, pacing his hand on the pouch before hesitantly removing it.

"You know it?" He asked, clearly surprised.

Scoffing I turned to stomp away.

' _He was reading fucking porn while fucking questioning me! Who the fuck did my mother hire?'_

I felt him fall into step behind me again, made me feel like he was a giant puppy chasing a chew toy.

"I didn't expect you to have read it, most women refuse to even look at it." His tone was light and teasing, it made my blood boil.

Skidding to a halt I got up and into his face, well the best I could with the height difference that is.

"I didn't _read_ it! I just know the author!" I nearly screeched, scandalized that a respectable woman like me would be accused of something so adulterous.

"That book is an insult to literature!" I pointed at the pouch venomously.

He covered it mockingly, like an adult covering a child's ears.

"Now now, I wouldn't agree to _that_." He said, seemingly miffed.

Rolling my eyes I continued to walk.

"You said you know Jiraiya?" He asked, coming to walk beside me instead of behind.

Curling my nose I nodded my head.

"Yeah, he used to visit all the time."

I crossed my arms in annoyance.

"Though he hasn't visited in a while." I mumbled disapprovingly.

I missed the man.

"So you and him...?" He trailed off, tilting his head questioningly.

I gasped, scandalized.

"What the hell? That is absolutely disgusting!" I chided, shaking my head at him with horrified eyes.

"Jiraiya used to come by to see my _mother_. She would never allow me to steal any spotlight from her. Furthermore, he's like fifty!" I ranted, disgusted with the mere thought.

"Jiraiya was like a father to me, we used to go around and prank the servants back at the Manor!" My tone slipped from appalling to nostalgic.

I always had the most fun when Jiraiya was around, but then my mother would steal him away and I would once again be left to sit patiently and wait till I was allowed to leave my room.

I hated those times the most.

"It sounds like you were very fond of him." He said lightly, apologetically.

"Yeah I was, but I probably won't see him again." I bit out before I could stop myself.

It hurt to think about, hurt more to say it.

I practically lived for the days he would stop by.

But now that I wouldn't be at the Manor...Mother surely wouldn't tell him that I'm here.

Sighing sorrowfully I tried to clear the despair from my mind.

Hatake had it bad too, I'm not the only one suffering.

The thought didn't quite make me feel better, but my sorrow shifted from myself to him.

I've wondered, since I learned of our agreement, what type of man he is.

His looks, personality, his house, if he has pets or plants, and especially, if he could accept me.

If I could accept him.

"I don't know about that. I bet you'll see him the next time he's in the Village." The man mused, looking forward.

I snapped my head to him, studying him.

He didn't seem to have any doubts.

"I don't know about that. Mother surely wouldn't tell him I'm around. And I don't think my groom-to-be will care much." I snipped but immediately felt bad.

He was trying to make me feel better, and I tore out his jugular.

The man flinched lightly, I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't studying him.

"I'm sure your groom will care." He almost whispered.

"How can you be so sure?" I demand, looking away from him.

"He's forced into this too isn't he? I'm sure he doesn't want to fight with you. If telling Jiraiya you're in town will make you happy, I don't see why he wouldn't." His tone was soft and resigned.

"But he doesn't even know me, why should he care if I'm happy or not? He's just as much a captive as I am."

My anger fell away to a vulnerability my Mother would despise.

"Yeah, I guess that's true. But that doesn't mean you can't be...cordial with each other."

I stayed quiet for a minute, contemplating what to say.

"If you're going to continue to follow me, then could you take me up to the top of Hokage Mountain? I'm kinda lost." I say instead of continuing the conversation.

He was right of course, but how am I supposed to trust that Hatake will want that?

The man nodded and we drifted through the streets, eventually reaching the mountain.

We didn't have much conversation after that, being left on an awkward note like that does wonders at reforming the ice between strangers.

Once we reached the top I walked to the edge and sat down, letting the gentle breeze brush through my hair.

The man stayed standing, I could only assume he felt more comfortable standing behind me.

"Thank you for bringing me here." I said, briefly wishing this kind man was my husband-to-be instead of this unknown Hatake.

But I shook the thought from my head, there was no getting out of this marriage, for me or Hatake.

I would only hurt him if I attempted to run away with some man I met in the street.

Hell, I don't even know his name.

"Lady (Y/N)! There you are, we've been looking for you everywhere!"

I turned sharply to see Asuma and Kurenai, I looked back to the man, he looked about to leave.

"Wait! What's your name?" I asked, rushing to stand up.

He gave me a smile, or I can only assume he did, before he just shook his head and poofed away, leaving nothing but smoke and a few leaves behind.

"Who was that? I didn't catch a glimpse at them." Asuma said, coming to stand next to me.

I just gave him a smile.

"I don't know." That was all I said, before sitting back down to watch the Village.

"But I wish I could find out."


	5. Only If We Steal The Food

"You look stunning Lady (Y/N)." The maid helping me into my wedding gown gushed.

I spread my hands across the white fabric, bumpy from the blooming flower designs before turning smooth and silky against my fingertips.

The dress was exquisite, something my mother would have worn.

I suppose that's why she picked it out, today was the only day I could outshine her. 

Looking in the full-length mirror made me dizzy with nerves.

Today I was promising myself to someone I'd never met, all because my mother decreed it. 

Studying the dress I tried to imagine how different it would look if I actually wanted to wear it.

Would the delicate see-through sleeves with swirling flower stems still restrict my arms in a phantom grip?

Would the curving sweetheart cut and the pretty flowers that danced up my chest and biceps still make me feel like I’m hung bare to a cruel world?

Would the slimming top, cinched to my waist and cupping my breasts, feel so tight and suffocating?

Would the poofing princess skirt that flared out like a flower’s petals feel like a spider's web, immobilizing my body and spreading fear into my heart as I wait for the deadly spider to take my life? 

I dropped my bare shoulders as sorrow filled me.

It wasn't the gown I expected to be wearing on a day like this, but neither was this the wedding I thought I would have.

The off the shoulders dress was draped across my body perfectly, hugging just right.

My hair is wonderfully styled and decorated with little flowers and loose petals.

Shoes, covered by the long expense of the dress, were comfortable now but would no doubt hurt by the end of the night.

They were a pearl white with sleek heels, forcing me to stand in a way that flaunted my chest and backside.

My makeup was flawless, yet all I wanted to do was ruin it with tears. 

“It’s almost time My Lady.” A maid said and I nodded, still staring in the mirror.

Briefly, I wondered what my groom looked like.

But it didn’t matter, he would look the same as me.

Feigning a smile and biting back a ‘no’ when we say ‘I do.’

Sighing I followed the maid out of the dressing room.

Mother stood outside, decked out in a pale blue dress that had details rivaling my own.

Part of me was enraged that she attempted to stealthily outshine me.

It made me want to scream at her. 

‘ _If you want to outshine me so much then you can fucking marry him!’_

But I buried the thought deep down, throwing it into the little box labeled ‘ _HATE_.’

Mother’s actions took up most of the space, leaving very little room for others.

Like the Sandaime or Drake, for instance. 

“Wonderful, you truly look like a bride. But you seem to be forgetting something.” Mother’s tone turned sharp and she walked forward, raising a hand and gripping my chin.

“Don’t leave your smile in the room, girl. I won’t have you ruining this exchange.”

I ripped my chin from her fingers and smothered a glare. 

“Of course Mother. I’m to marry Hatake, provide a child, and honor your… _deal_ with the Sandaime. All with a smile. Isn’t that what you said I was to do Mother?”

For a second Mother's eyes flashed and her nostrils flared, but then she was calm again, a sly smile curling her lips sinisterly. 

“Good, now dear? Be a good girl and remember your vows.”

I gulped and her smile turned wolfish.

“Don’t want to embarrass yourself now.” She smirked as I nodded, hanging my head in defeat.

The vows were written by her, each wretched word created by her hand. 

“Lady (Y/N)? Please come back into the room, I’ve forgotten something.” Lisa said, poking her head out of the door.

Briefly, I was confused, she had not been in there when I was getting ready, and there was nothing the maids could have forgotten.

But then she smiled politely at my mother, I caught the strain she reflected when my mother looked away to scoff and mumble about her incompetence.

Walking back into the room as quickly as I could manage, Lisa shut the door. 

“What is it Lisa? The tail doesn’t go on until I’m in front of the doors.”

It was the only thing missing from my attire.

Lisa shook her head and smiled sadly. 

“My Lady, you remember when I told you the Headmistress had your personal items removed?” Lisa asked, walking over to the vanity.

The mention of it caused a flare of rage, but then confusion. 

“Yes. Lisa what is the meaning of this?” I asked, impatient.

The wedding was to start in a few minutes, and Mother would not be pleased if I was to be late.

Lisa pulled out a small box from behind a stack of makeup.

She walked up and handed it to me.

Gently I opened it, nervous and scared as hope shot through my system.

Inside the smooth red casing was plush white cotton, folded over something.

Removing the cotton tentatively I gasped as the necklace inside was revealed. 

Pulling it out by the charm I dropped the box in favor of cradling it.

The charm was a dainty ruby, held in a silver piece that branched out and curled around the jewel possessively. It was connected to a delicate silver chain.

Silver was my favorite color of precious metal, I much preferred it to gold.

My mother is gold, my father was silver, they never mixed well, too opaque and contrasting.

Gentle hands grasped the necklace and I let it slip through my fingers.

Lisa moved behind me and gently clasped it around my neck. 

“How did you get this?” I asked, barely above a whisper. 

“I stashed it away, your father would want to be here for your wedding, I thought this was as close as we could get.”

I nodded my head meekly.

My father died long ago when I was thirteen.

But once, when he wasn’t bedridden and sick, he had visited a wealthy Village and brought me home a souvenir. 

Mother had tried to take it from me when she found it, furious that my father would give me something so beautiful when she was not.

My father had pleaded with her, appalled that the fine jewels and dresses weren’t enough.

After that, I stashed it away somewhere safe from her greedy fingers and only pulled it out when I missed my father.

It was the only thing I ever got from him, after Mother's fit he had never given me a thing again.

But then he fell ill and the rage I felt towards my mother's pretty rings and bracelets fell short.

“Are you ready?” Lisa asked softly and I wiped a tear from my eye.

Nodding I walked to the door on steady feet, meeting my mother’s impatient expression head-on.

Holding my head high I walked past her and down the hall, stopping to wait behind the large doors shielding me from the aisle.

Mother came to stand beside me, offering me her arm. I took it mutely as the maids fastened the tail, held by a flower headband and draped it over my shoulders and down my back. 

“Smile.” That was all she said before the doors opened and I sucked in a deep breath.

On the other side of the doors were rows of people.

Most of them I didn't know. But as I walked down the aisle to my doom, I recognized the Hokage, Asuma, and Kurenai.

I refused to look at my groom just yet, whether it was because I'm scared or defiant I'm not sure.

Mother’s arm was like a snake, her grip strong and dangerous.

Each step felt like an eternity as the music played.

I forced a smile, flinching when I caught Asuma’s sad eyes.

Once I made it to the altar I stared straight ahead, at the Officiant.

Mother came to stand next to me.

The Officiant smiled at me and waited for the room to quiet. 

"I know this doesn't mean much, but you look beautiful." The man next to me murmured.

At first, I was startled and annoyed, I didn't want to look beautiful for some random man.

But then the voice registered and I had never whipped my head faster.

Next to me stood a tall man with pretty silver hair and a lone eye. His face was still covered, but he now wore a sharp black suit. 

"You-" I started but was cut off by the Officiant. 

"Welcome, we are gathered here today to witness the holy matrimony between a man and a woman."

I drowned out the rest of his speech, caught up in my inner turmoil.

My groom, my husband-to-be was that man.

The one that promised I would see Jiraiya, the man that took me to the mountain like I had asked.

' _Is that why he followed me? Because he knew who I was?'_

A wave of brief anger flared inside of me.

How could he not tell me who he was? 

“And now for the vows."

We turned to each other, my body on autopilot.

But then he started to speak and I zeroed in on his words. 

"(Y/N), I understand that this isn't what you expected, isn't what you wanted. But I promise, despite all the wrongdoings forced upon you today, that I will do my best to make this work. You might hate me, or at the very least dislike me for ripping away the life you knew and probably for being nothing but a husband on paper. But please be patient with me, and I promise this won't be as miserable as you think." 

The speech wasn't anything like mine.

It made the guests gasp and the Officiant fidget uncomfortably.

But it was honest and true to our situation.

Despite me already hearing my mother's enraged shouts I threw my vows away.

He was honest with me, I would be honest with him. 

"Hatake, I was supposed to promise you superficial things, to be a good wife and provide a child. But I'm not going to. What I can promise you, is that I will not expect anything from you as I hope you do not expect anything from me. I will try to make this work, but we are two strangers, and relations can change instantly so early on. I hope that you are also patient with me, as neither of us wished to be here today, right now. As someone once said to me, just because we are captives, doesn't mean we can't be cordial."

I felt more than saw his smirk at the mention of his last comment to me.

We turned back to the Officiant, his face pinched as he blanched at our vows.

I could practically feel my mother steaming.

The Officiant began to speak, stumbling at first.

Hatake and I said our 'I do's' and then he reached over and brought me close, pulling me behind him as he turned from the crowd before pulling down his mask and claiming my lips.

I only caught a flash of pale skin before my eyes fluttered closed.

The kiss was sweet, all lips and light pressure, a getting-to-know-you kiss that lasted a bit longer than a peak but too short to be much of a kiss.

Hatake pulled back and had his mask up before I could even attempt to catch more of his face.

There was clapping and cheering but that all fell into the background as Hatake shared an eye-smile.

He reached out his hand and I took it hesitantly.

He leaned in and brought his lips to my ear. 

"What do you say we ditch when no one’s looking?" Then he pulled back and turned to the guests, acting like he hadn’t suggested we ditch our own wedding.

As we walked down the small steps of the altar I pulled him close. 

"Only if we steal the food."

He gave a little laugh and suddenly the dress didn't feel like a death sentence anymore.

For the first time that day, I felt a real smile tug at my lips. 


	6. I'm Glad You Stayed

True to his word, Hatake and I stole the food and ditched the wedding.

We even stole the cake, which my mother will probably have my head for.

Now when I say the cake, I mean the entire triple plater, flower decorated, white buttercream frosted, red velvet _cake_.

I don’t know how he did it, I was busy stuffing my face full of some tasty cream cheese pickle ham wraps and wistfully imagining that we could really escape, when he grabbed my elbow and whispered, “I’ve got the food, no one’s watching. This is our only chance.” 

It all happened really fast, I was nodding while piling a bunch of appetizers onto my plate and then I was reaching for empty air.

My surroundings changed from a decorated building to an, by all means, empty apartment.

Looking around I was in awe of our new location.

It was a relatively large apartment, its walls white and empty. It was clean, too clean for someone to actively be living there.

There were no pictures, no decorations.

Just a couch and a foot table. 

“This is my apartment.” Hatake said, and I turned around to face him.

He pointed down a hall before speaking again.

“Your room is down the hall on the left, the bathroom is at the end of the hall. My room is the first door on the right.”

He turned again.

“Over there’s the kitchen and dining room.” With that said he began to move away, walking towards the kitchen.

I followed him awkwardly.

He took out a scroll and opened it, spreading it out across the counter.

Then, like magic, the food from the wedding began appearing.

Gasping I watched in awe as half of the appetizers, the main course, and the cake appeared before me. 

“How the hell did you do that?” I asked before I could stop myself. 

“It’s just a sealing jutsu.” Hatake said before bringing the food to the table.

“Pick what you want and I’ll put away the rest.”

Eyeing him carefully I began to pull the appetizers towards me.

Jalapeno cream cheese bombs, pineapple cheese pikes, strawberries, and taco tortilla roll-ups.

Briefly, I wondered what he liked, after all, I picked the cake and most of the food.

Hatake silently began wrapping up the rest and putting it away. 

“Hatake-” 

“Kakashi.” 

“What?” 

“Call me Kakashi. Hatake was my father.”

I fell silent for a moment before continuing. 

“Kakashi. Was ditching really a good idea?” I asked, worrying my bottom lip.

Mother was sure to make me pay.

Kakashi paused and looked at me, tilting his head. 

“Did you not want to? We can always go back.”

Before I could stop myself I shook my head rapidly. 

“No way, we’re here now, no point in going back. But…” I trailed off uncertainly. 

“But?” 

“Mother will kill me when I get my stuff.”

Kakashi gave a little laugh but I didn’t join him.

He stopped short and stared at me incredulously. 

“You’re seriously worried aren’t you?”

I nodded my head solemnly. 

“Just blame it on me. Say whatever you need to, I don’t mind.”

I bit my lip, that would never be enough to satisfy her. 

“Or, we can just sneak in and get your stuff?” Kakashi asked, pulling his suit jacket off.

Underneath a black over-vest was a white undershirt. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and I had to stop myself from ogling him.

He wasn’t staring at me, I should give him the same respect. 

‘ _Unless he’s not looking because he doesn’t find you attractive.’_

I stomped the thought down before it could show on my face.

Kakashi popped an appetizer into his mouth. 

“How in the world do you manage to eat without showing anyone your face?” I blurted before I could help it.

Suddenly embarrassed I sat down in the chair and hid my face behind an appetizer.

Kakashi laughed lightly before sitting down as well. 

“Your mother…she’s the one who…arranged this?” Kakashi asked, I couldn’t quite tell what his angle was.

Reaching up and holding the cool metal of my necklace I tried to get rid of the seething rage my mother always seemed to bring forth. 

“Yes, I was under the impression that you had said yes…but Asuma told me the Council forced you.”

Kakashi nodded and we fell into an awkward silence.

Clearing my throat I shifted in my seat. 

“So…rules. First things first, no sex.” I said, stuffing my face to hide my embarrassment.

Kakashi seemed undisturbed by the rule.

He nodded.

“Of course. I don’t cook.”

I eyed him, trying to see if he meant I had to. But he actually looked sheepish.

“I’ve tried…but I end up ruining everything. So I usually just eat out.”

I blinked and then giggled at his adorable expression, or at least, what I think his expression is. 

“I can cook, but I’m not very good. I’m not doing your laundry.” I said, popping in another cheese square.

Kakashi nodded solemnly. 

“That’s for the best. Most of my clothes end up bloody.”

I snapped my eyes to him at that comment. But then I remembered he’s a shinobi.

For a second guilt gripped me.

If he got hurt…then the least I could do is wash his clothes.

I kept the thought to myself though. 

“We should talk about fidelity.” Kakashi said, and I bit my lip.

I had mixed feelings about the subject.

I nodded my head but Kakashi didn’t continue.

Looking up I realized Kakashi was waiting for _me_ to make the rule.

He was staring at me intently and I felt a little dizzy under the intensity. 

“Well,” I coughed, trying to push down the blush that sprouted across my cheeks.

“Obviously you can…find intimacy elsewhere. But…you have to go somewhere else.”

I reached for a small sandwich and stuffed it into my mouth, looking anywhere but him. 

“(Y/N), we’re married, the Council expects us to act that way. So we must be careful. If you are to…find someone for the night then make sure word doesn’t get out.”

I nodded, slightly annoyed at the conversation. I tried to rack my brain for anything else to work out, but nothing came to mind. 

“Why didn’t you tell me who you were?” I asked instead, still a little miffed I had bashed him right to his face without even knowing it.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Well, I wasn’t sure what type of person you were. I just…was curious.”

I stared him down before accepting his answer.   
  
“I thought my mother had hired you to make sure I wouldn’t try to escape again.”

Kakashi blinked at me in surprise. 

“You tried to run?”

I nodded remorsefully. 

“Yeah, but my plans were foiled by Asuma.” 

“What kept you from running again?” Kakashi’s voice was low, not quite a whisper but definitely not a normal tone. 

“You.” That was all I said.

His eye snapped to mine and I stared right back, fighting down another blush. 

“Why? You could have escaped this?” Kakashi seemed so confused, I felt my shoulders drop.

“It wasn’t fair to you. How could I escape, when you can’t? What if the next person you get stuck with is some snobby bitch that makes your life hell?” I snapped the last part, thinking about a certain woman I met a long time ago.

Kakashi seemed taken aback by my statement, his eye wide and jaw clenched.

Getting up from his seat he turned from me. 

“Well…I’m glad you stayed.” That was all he said before heading down the hall.

He walked into the first door on the right, his room.

I got up as well, hoping to change out of this beautiful yet suffocating dress.

But then I remember my stuff was still with my mother.

Cringing I decided to sit on the couch instead, waiting for him to return.

I would have to borrow something from him.

‘ _I’m glad you stayed.’_

I smiled and brought a hand to my chest.

 _‘At least someone cares.’_


	7. Fuck. I Forgot To Give You Pants

“(Y/N).”

I growled as a hand wrapped around my shoulder and shook it.   
  
“Go away Drake.” I mumbled, pissed that Drake was disturbing my sleep again.

The shaking stopped for a moment before it came back twice as obnoxiously.   


“(Y/N), get up.”

Fluttering my eyes open I slapped the hand away.   
  
“My mother can wait, Drake. You know you’re not supposed to come into my room.” I said, yawning.

Drake never took no for an answer and I suppose I should consider myself lucky that his creepy affections were purely centered on my mother.

He was her little lap dog, and he loved every minute of it.

I hated the man, and I forbid him from entering my only safe haven, but if I didn’t answer the door on the second knock then he would come barreling in and snapping me awake without a second thought.

The hand left my shoulder and I stretched, rubbing my face.   
  
“(Y/N), I don’t know who this Drake is but I’m not him.”

I snapped my eyes open and sat up straight. Blinking away the fogginess from my head.

Looking around I realized I was in Kakashi’s apartment.

A flush flared up along my cheeks and to my ears. Snapping to Kakashi I fidgeted.

He looked down at me, a look in his lone eye I couldn’t quite place. He seemed concerned and confused, but there was also…something else. 

“Kakashi? Shit I must have…” I trailed off and rolled my shoulders.

Looking down I realized I fell asleep in my wedding gown. 

“You were only out for an hour, I wasn’t sure if I should wake you or not, but it’s getting late.”

I nodded to him and attempted to stand. I had already stripped out of the heels and jewelry, aside from my necklace.

Now that my mother wasn’t around, I could wear it whenever I wanted to.

There were little fake flowers all over the couch and I belatedly realized my hair had fallen out of its perfectly crafted design.

Scratching my head I attempted to loosen up the stiff strands. 

Kakashi wasn’t wearing a suit anymore, he was wearing a baggy black shirt and his hair was wet.

A shower sounded wonderful. 

“Why don’t you go take one, I’ll give you something to wear.”

It took my mind a second to realize he meant a shower.

Nodding absently I walked down the hall. Kakashi handed me a towel and a shirt before walking away.

Stepping into the bathroom I put everything down and eyed the shower. 

‘ _You think you’re so smart. Then you use someone elses fucking shower.’_

I groaned as I realized I would have to experiment with the handles.

Sighing I attempted to undress but realized, mortifyingly, that there was a reason I needed the maids to help me get dressed.

Groaning I tried to get it off on my own. But I couldn't do it.

I almost fell twice in my attempt to remove the dress.

Growling in frustration I stared at the shower longingly.

There was a knock on the door. 

“Is everything okay? I heard a crash?” Kakashi’s light timber filtered through the door and I felt like crying. 

“I…I-”

I was mortified with the situation.

First, I can’t get the stupid dress off, and I don’t even know how to turn on his shower, and the makeup isn’t going to come off easily, and mother is going to kill me, and I have nothing but his shirt and my underwear to wear and-

The door burst open so fast I stumbled back, tripping over the long hem of the dress.

Kakashi’s arm found my waist and he pulled me close, steadying me.

Taking a deep breath I tried not to cry, pushing the overwhelming feelings down.

He pulled back and grabbed my face, eyes widening and roving down, eyeing me for any injuries. 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He asked urgently.

I just shook my head. 

“I’m fine. I just…I’m just a little overwhelmed and…and I can’t get the dress off.”

There was a pregnant pause, Kakashi stared at me, an unreadable emotion in his eye.

“Also…” I continued meekly.

“I don’t know how to turn on your shower.”

There was another pause but then his shoulders were shaking and he let go of me to bring his hand to his face.

Letting out a low breathy laugh he ran a hand through his hair and looked at me in this _incredibly soft way._

My heart constricted and then started raging against my ribs. I was at a loss for words, the sight before me engraved into my eyes. 

Turning around sharply I tried to cover up my reaction.

“Are-Are you going to help or what?” I snapped, curling my hands against my heart.

Kakashi chuckled and I felt him step closer, his fingers brushing my back.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt him unbutton the top, before moving to the zipper.

Slowly, or maybe it was only slow to me, he unzipped the dress, it opened up my bareback, and goosebumps formed as a shiver ran up my spine.

The zipper came down to just above my ass and I could feel Kakashi leaning in as his hand followed the zipper down.

Unable to stop myself I squirmed at the heat pooling in my gut, rubbing my thighs.

Kakashi made a quiet noise from the back of his throat and I could feel him leaning in even closer and-

And then he’s as far away as possible.

Clearing his throat he walked around me, giving me as wide a berth as he can, before turning on the shower. 

“Thank you.” I mumbled quietly, looking up at him from underneath my lashes.

I watched his Adam's apple bob, an intensity to his onyx eye that made my heart skip a beat.

Then he was gone, practically slamming the door shut on his way out.

Quickly stripping out of the dress I jumped into the shower, harshly scrubbing my hair and skin as I tried to slow my raging heart.

‘ _What the hell was that?’_ I asked myself, confused, and a little scared.

I didn’t have much experience with men, Mother made sure I was nothing but eye-candy at all the parties we went to.

She always forced a guard to keep watch of me, make sure her daughter is kept respectable.

The result of which made interacting with men impossible, as all of them were old creeps that I wanted nothing to do with. 

Once done I attempted to shut off the shower, resulting in three trail runs where the water burned or froze my skin.

After drying off I went to put on the underwear, dreading wearing it again.

Because my mother insisted that we have sex tonight, as it is our wedding night, she assigned me to wear comfortable but definitely inappropriate underwear.

It wasn’t a thong or anything, as I would have burned that monstrosity before ever attempting to wear it.

But it was see-through in all the wrong, or I suppose _right_ , places, white lace flowers matching my dress, and covering only the top part of my ass.

Flushing I put it back on and slipped the shirt over my head.

Because the dress was shoulderless I wore no bra, a decision I am deeply regretting now.

Kakashi offered me no pants, his shirt, big enough to come down to mid-thigh, would have to do. 

Working up the courage, feeling far more vulnerable than I ever have before, I left the room after making sure all the makeup was gone and put my necklace back on.

I held my arm to me, holding my chest in place and using the other to pull down the shirt.

I found Kakashi in the living room, sitting on the couch and reading the dreaded book.

Walking up to the couch I stayed behind him. 

“Kakashi. My mother leaves early tomorrow. I have to get my stuff now.” I said, attempting to keep the tremor out of my voice.

Kakashi stood up and nodded at me before stopping short.

He stared at me, eyes roving all over. 

“Fuck. I forgot to give you pants.”

He eyed my legs and I held myself tighter.

Seeming to notice my uncomfortable posture he silently left to his room before coming back and throwing a pair of pants at me.

Stumbling to catch it I watched as Kakashi ran a hand through his hair before sharply turning around.

Quickly pulling the pants on I attempted to get my leg through, but with the pant leg being so long and my slight panic at the embarrassment I was feeling I stumbled and leaned against the couch, taking much longer than I should have. 

“Holy shit.” I heard Kakashi whisper and I snapped my head over my shoulder to look at him.

He has turned to me again and staring.

Looking down I realized the shirt had ridden up and the pants were only at mid-thigh.

I pulled the pants up harshly and quickly fixed the shirt.

When I looked back to Kakashi he was turned away from me and leaning against the wall.

Clearing my throat Kakashi looked over his shoulder at me, a bit of red peeking out of his mask.

Flushing I didn’t mention anything before rounding the couch and sitting down, curling up the excess pant legs and slipping back into the wretched shoes. 

Once done I headed towards the door and Kakashi followed silently.

The aura around us was tense, but I tried to ignore it.

We had a rule, and I trusted Kakashi to keep it. 

‘ _But do you really want him to?’_ A traitorous voice whispered in the back of my mind. 


	8. Lord Chiza Missed His Chance

As it turns out, sneaking into the building was much harder than we originally thought.

For Kakashi?

Easy peasy.

For me?

I’m not much of a ninja.

I had brought Kakashi to the window of my original escape, dodging servants left and right.

He had raised his eyebrow at the tree.

I just shrugged and pointed to the window. 

“How did you not break your neck?” Kakashi asked in disbelief. 

“I’d like to say skill.” I replied, eyeing the window distastefully.   
  
“Who’s there?” A scared voice called, I recognized it as Lisa, and a head popped out of the window.

“Lisa? Oh my god! You’ve gotta help me!” I called her and Kakashi moved closer to me in a form of protection.

It seemed unconscious on his part, but I was acutely aware.

Lisa went quiet for a second, then disappeared from the window. Then she reappeared. 

“I’ve locked the door My Lady! And I requested no one come in as I pack your things. You are safe to climb up now."

I smiled gratefully at her and nodded, looking to Kakashi for help.

Kakashi slipped his arm under my legs and behind my back before propelling us up to the window.

I quickly covered my mouth to muffle a surprised yell. Slipping through the window Kakashi placed me down on the solid ground gently, looking around the room with mild interest. 

Lisa practically ran to me.

“My Lady! The Headmistress is furious! Drake demanded you be turned over to him as soon as you came by! My Lady, I fear your mother will annul the marriage to sell you to Lord Chiza!” Lisa cried fearfully.

I gasped, appalled.

Chiza was a fat old man who controlled a large portion of land just west of here. He had once asked for my hand but wasn’t willing to pay my mother the requested amount. 

“Your mother sounds like a real piece of work.” Kakashi said, glancing around the empty room.

Due to my mother's interference, I had nothing personal within the room.

Just the things she wanted, like dresses and jewelry. 

“Not like your place is any better. There’s nothing there but furniture.” I grumbled, slightly embarrassed with the scrutiny.

Kakashi chose not to respond. 

“My Lady, I have all your stuff packed, but your Mother has destroyed a good portion of it.” Lisa said worriedly. 

“Destroyed? What more could she do?” I scoffed.

Lisa worried her bottom lip. 

“She was in a fit of rage at your disappearance.” Lisa whispered, walking over to the other side of the bed.

She pulled out one of my favorite dresses, it was a simple green sewn with pretty gold thread.

Except it wasn’t how I left it.

Gasping I ran to the shredded fabric. 

“What did she do? Turn into a demon and her nails to claws?” I joked, trying to stuff down my disappointment.

Shaking my head I threw the dress on the bed.

“Lisa, I’m just here for my stuff. You said you were boxing it?”

I turned to the girl and she nodded, pushing out three boxes. 

“This is all that's left.” She said and I nodded.

Kakashi walked over and performed a sealing jutsu, making the boxes disappear.

I hugged Lisa one last time before making my way to the window with Kakashi. 

“Lisa? Why is this door locked?” Drake called from the other side, his voice slightly muffled by the wood. 

“Go!” Lisa cried and it was at that moment Drake kicked the door in.

Surprised, I froze, Kakashi standing in front of me protectively. 

“There you are! Your mother isn’t pleased with you (Y/N), she wishes to speak with you.”

I shivered at his sharp tone.

I always hated Drake, he reminded me too much of a warden.

I remember, vaguely, all the times he locked me in my room, no lights, no food, no love. Or the other times his grip was too bruising, or his lips to sneered.   
  
I flinched back as he stomped closer, curling into myself.

“Lisa go get the Lady.” Drake demanded, and I knew Lisa would follow his orders.

He held too much power to disobey.

Lisa hesitantly left the room and I watched her go.

Drake sneered. 

“The incompetence.” He said, shaking his head.

There was a glint in his cruel eyes that I recognized. 

"No! Leave Lisa alone!" I cried, terrified for the poor girl.

Drake turned his sneer to me and Kakashi. 

"Well it certainly didn't take long for you to whip this man into your faithful dog." Drake drawled, an evil smirk curling at the edges of his perpetual sneer. 

"Didn't take my mother long either. Guess it runs in the family." I bit back.

I wanted to leave, but if I went before speaking to my mother, then Lisa would pay for it.

Kakashi placed a hand on my shoulder. 

"Let's go." He urged.

Watching Drake intently.

But I shook my head. 

"I'm not a little girl anymore Drake. You can't do anything to me anymore." 

"Why? Because you kissed a man while wearing white? Because he _touched_ you? You think that makes you a big girl? Think that makes you strong?" He laughed cruelly.

"It doesn't! You're still the same little girl disturbing the Lady and cowering under my boot!"

Rage flared in my chest and I curled my hands into fists.

Kakashi tried to step further in front of me but I placed a hand on his chest, shaking my head. 

"There you are, you wretched child! I have half a mind to sell you to Lord Chiza!" Mother screamed, barreling into the room.

"What were you thinking? Ditching the wedding! Do you know how embarrassing it was? That I can't control my own child." She spat the words like poison in her mouth, though I suppose it had worked its way into her bloodstream long ago. 

"Just like that useless father of yours! You no good for nothing-" 

"It was my fault. I apologize, your daughter was merely going along with my whims." Kakashi smoothly interrupted, effectively silencing my mother.

Drake eyed him in contempt.

Mother sniffed and looked away.

"My daughter is a prestigious young lady, you will do well to remember that." She said, almost completely hiding her growl.

She looked back at me, eyes sharp. But then they widened and she was striding forward too fast for me to react. 

"What is that! Is that that piece of trash your father gave you? I thought I had that removed years ago!" She screeched, eyes burning.

Jealousy curled at her nose in an ugly way, ruining her perfectly crafted face. 

"You insolent little brat! Your father always did treat you better than you deserved, giving you something like that! I had to wonder if you became his new toy and he was rewarding you with a pretty collar!" She spat viciously and I gasped, scandalized at her accusations.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Kakashi reach for me, but Drake got in the way.

While I was busy paying attention to Kakashi I didn't notice my mother reach up and snatch the necklace from my neck, breaking the delicate chain. 

"No!" I cried, lunging for it.

Mother stepped back, an enraged scream working its way from her chest.

I saw her hand come up and I braced myself for the pain.

But the pain didn't come.

Instead, Kakashi stood between us, holding her wrist in an unforgiving grip.

I saw Mother flinch but Kakashi seemed to ignore it.

Mother held the necklace to her chest protectively, but Kakashi was undeterred, ripping the necklace from her grasp. 

"Mah, she is my wife now. I would appreciate it if you watched your tone with her." Kakashi’s voice was light, but the undertone was fierce.

Mother wrenched her wrist from his grasp and Kakashi let it go. 

"She is my daughter you-" 

"Not anymore. You gave her to me. She's _mine_ now, and I don't appreciate you trying to change that. Tell Lord Chiza he missed his chance."

Then Kakashi turned from her, giving me the necklace before swooping me up.

The next second, we were back in his apartment. He let me go and I fell to the couch, exhausted.

I watched Kakashi unroll a scroll and watched in awe as the boxes poofed into existence.

He picked the boxes up, most likely putting them in my room. I got up to follow him, both of us silent. 

I hadn't been to my new room yet. But I wasn't surprised to see it almost bare, only a bed and a desk in the room, just like the rest of the apartment.

Part of me was sad I wouldn't have anything personal to add to the room.

Kakashi started opening the boxes and putting the dress into the closet.

The silence was deafening, making it impossible to speak and impossible to bear.

Once he was done I expected him to leave, but instead, he just stood awkwardly.

Deciding enough is enough, I cleared my throat. 

"Look Kakashi…what happened back there…thank you." I finished lamely. Kakashi nodded and I clutched the broken necklace to my heart.

Then Kakashi was walking out of the room, his shoulders tense and a dark aura about him.

Sighing when the door fell shut I walked to the closet, pulling out a purple nightgown.

It was silky, a spaghetti strap that hung across my body loosely. It was cut at the sides, open for my legs to move around freely.

Somehow I had forgotten I was braless throughout the whole ordeal and I flushed at the thought.

Once all dressed I debated between putting on a new set of underwear or not, the sides of the white lace clearly showing through the slits of the silk gown.

Before I could decide the door burst open.

Attempting to cover myself I brought my arm to my chest and tried to pull the silk over my exposed hip.

Kakashi paused by the door, eye roving.

Then finally, his eye caught mine and we stared at each other.

I was caught in the way his eye darkened and his body tensed.

He strode forward and I fidgeted in anticipation.

He stopped a few inches from me and leaned down.

Fluttering my eyes closed I held myself tighter, breath quickening.

He brought his lips to my ear. 

"You made a rule remember?" His voice husky and making me shiver. 

' _Fuck the deal!'_

My body screamed and I felt myself trembling.

I reached out to touch him but his hand found mine. He turned it over and dropped something in my hand before walking away.

I couldn't see, but I would bet everything I have left that he was smirking devilishly.

Heat exploded across my cheeks and I fought the urge to scream.

Trembling, in embarrassment, rage, or arousal I couldn't be sure, or perhaps it was all three, I looked down to my hand.

Everything washed away, leaving a warm feeling aglow in my chest. 

In my hand, was a beaded silver chain with a dog tag hooked to it.

Softly examining the tag I couldn't help the giggle that ripped out of my throat.

The tag read 'WOLF' softly engraved into the metal. Under it was the occupation, 'ANBU' it read.

I traced the engraving with my nail, smiling at the words.

Then I walked to the desk where I had set my broken necklace down, and gently worked the charm from the broken silver, before sliding it onto the beaded chain of Kakashi’s dog tag.

Then I hooked the necklace on, wanting the comfort of the cool metal against my skin, before climbing into bed and letting sleep take me. 


	9. Infamous Sharingan

Two weeks later, Mother was gone and with her went most of my fears, I have officially settled into the apartment, my room practically as bare as the rest of the place, and Kakashi and I have fallen into a gentle rhythm of avoidance.

Neither of us are very comfortable with the other's presence.

We don’t have a lot of time to really get used to each other, Kakashi leaves early in the day, I assume to work with his Genin, and he doesn’t come back until late. 

Kakashi gave me an allowance, he claimed it was for me to use for personal items, feeling uncomfortable with the bareness of my room after my Mother’s fit of rage, and claimed that he would take care of everything else.

At first, he would bring food home from some restaurant in the market every day and we would eat together silently.

I could tell both of us were uncomfortable with the silence, that we both wished to bolt back to our rooms.

But something kept me there, whether it was out of respect or guilt I wasn’t sure.

It kept him there too, a sense of responsibility to eat with me. 

At first, I was satisfied, acclimating to the new environment, no longer having maids to take care of things for me was a hard change, but soon I grew irritated with the routine and decided a change was in order.

So I went to the store using my ‘personal money’ to buy everything I need for a nice home-cooked meal.

Kakashi had been surprised when I dropped a plate in front of him and took the take out to the fridge, saving it for lunch the next day.

I vividly remember his confused sputters. 

“ _What-Why-How?” and so on, a light blush peeking out of his black mask._

_I just flashed him a smile and sat down across from him, stuffing my face._

_Politely I keep my head down, allowing Kakashi to eat in peace, though in my first few days I tried endlessly to get a glimpse._

_When we finished eating I had expected him to bounce as he normally does, shutting himself into his room._

_But instead, for the first time, he stayed._

_Helping put the food away and washing the dishes._

_Granted, we never had dirty dishes before with all the take out._

_I smiled as I thought back to our teamwork, washing and drying side by side, allowing a gentle companionship to come in between the cracks in our awkward dance around each other._

_“How did you do this?” He had asked, voice gentle with hesitancy, like he feared the question would ruin something._

_“By buying ingredients and cooking at the time approximately twenty minutes from your arrival.” I said, a teasing tone._

_“With what money? You know I didn’t want you worrying about these things. That money should be spent on you.” He said, handing me a plate to dry._

_I hummed as I put it away._

_“I did spend it on me.” I replied, shrugging._

_“How did you even know when I’d be home?” He asked, eyeing me out of the corner of his eye._

_I just stared at him incredulously._

_“You’re always home at a certain time.” I said, briefly flushing at the word home._

_He stopped washing for a second, staring at me like I had grown a second head. I just shrugged at him._

_“You weren’t at first. But, I don’t know, you just started showing up at seven every night.”_

_Kakashi looked away from me and to his hands in the sink, an air of surprise around him._

_“I…didn’t even notice.” He said, clearly meaning to speak only to himself._

_I wasn’t quite sure what it meant, so I let it slip from the conversation._

_“Are you gonna wash that or just soak your fingers?” I asked, bumping him lightly._

_He tensed, I wasn’t sure from the touch or the tease, before letting out a bashful chuckle and continued to wash._

I let the memory fade from my mind.

Staring up at the dark ceiling of my room.

After that Kakashi and I haven’t had awkward dinners.

It’s been a week, and sometimes, if training goes particularly well, Kakashi will be home even earlier and help me cook.

Now we discuss his Genin, going over the annoyance and irritation and the _pride_ he feels over them.

I wonder if he even realizes the way his voice shifts just slightly when he speaks of them, radiating pride and love.

Even when he complains.   
  
Bringing my hand up to my chest I gripped the dog tag and ruby charm to my palm.

I wear the tag everywhere, buried under my clothing, and going unnoticed.

He never speaks of it and I say nothing, even as the cool metal constantly reminds me of him, always bringing my thoughts to him when he leaves.

I’ve studied the metal, the engravings.

Sometimes, when conversations lull and the metal feels like it burns against my skin, searching for attention, I want to ask about it, about the name and the ANBU and why he gave it to me.

But every time I would just sigh and forgo any attempts, realizing talking about his past isn’t something he’s willing to bridge yet.

He never asks about my past either, which can sometimes be a blessing, while other times a seed of doubt. 

With my mother, I never had to work, all I knew was how to sit still and look pretty, like a porcelain doll.

But now, the need to pull my weight is hitting me like a train. I’m going crazy doing nothing all day, just sitting around and waiting for Kakashi in this bare apartment that doesn’t even have any pictures.

There’s hardly anything to even _do_.

Frowning, I made a mental note to ask Asuma and Kurenai about work tomorrow.

I was sick of living in the past, under her open-toed polished heel.

Mother always said a proper wife belongs in the home, but I’ve found no pleasure in it.

The only time I cared to be here was when Kakashi and I would sit down and eat.

When he would come walking through the door offering an eye-smile. 

Sighing in frustration I attempted to get comfortable, but anxiety seeped into my chest like Oobleck.

It would stream through my body when I attempted to think about anything, running through my veins, but then I would stop thinking for just a second and it would turn to stone.

Huffing I clambered out of bed, fighting with the blankets and attempting to quietly walk down the hall and to the kitchen, running my hand across the clear wall to feel around in the dark.

As I passed Kakashi’s room I paused and tried to be even stealthier.

He was a ninja after all, and I wished my untrained feet wouldn’t wake him up.

I made it just past his room when I heard a whimper.

Halting I listened with bated breath as a groan filtered out of his room.

Curiously I placed my ear to the door. Kakashi gave another painful whimper and I cupped my hand over my mouth.

Quietly I opened the door a crack, not sure what I would see.

But something told me to open the door and find out what was wrong.

The room was dark, but I could just barely make out Kakashi’s form on the bed.

He was laying on his back, arms flailing and helpless sobs wrenched from his throat.

Gasping I ran to his side, completely disregarding his dangerous ninja reflexes. 

Before I could even process what was happening, Kakashi had me pinned to the bed beneath him.

His large hands grip both of my wrists, holding them on either side of my head as he pants above me, sitting on my thighs, legs holding me down. 

“K-Kakashi?” I asked, nervous about his mental state.

He said nothing, just stared at me. It was too dark to see his face, the shadows obscuring it in place of the mask.

But an eye I didn’t recognize gazed down at me, glinting dangerously. It was blood red and bright against the darkness of the room. Two black commas swirling hypnotically.

I sucked in a breath. 

‘ _The infamous Sharingan.’_ I mentally acknowledged, caught in its pretty glow.

But then he was moving, leaning into me until his nose pressed against my jaw, just below my ear.

He trailed lower, leaving a blaze of heat as he moved to the juncture between my neck and shoulder.

I trembled in his hold, anticipation, and fear circulated my system and I unconsciously turned my head, giving him more access, as both a sign of approval and submission.

I fluttered my eyes closed and waited for what was to come next. 

Kakashi went _boneless_.

He laid against me, hands releasing my wrists in favor of lowering himself against me heavily. His one leg sneaking between mine and kicking my legs open so he could snuggle in comfortably.

I blushed, the action throwing me off. He was heavy but in a grounding way, his weight proportioned just right to provide a spread out pressure.

There were no words spoken, just helpless cuddling, and evening out breaths.

Bringing my hands up I brushed my fingers through his hair and gripped his arm.

His warmth lulled me to sleep, anxiety finally letting me rest as his steady breaths grounded me.

I could feel his hot breath on my neck, his lips just grazing my skin.

I felt like they were scorching, heating me in a way I never felt before. 

Briefly, before sleep had claimed my tired mind, I wondered if he was meaning to do this, or if he was still in a nightmare induced haze.

Wondered if he would freak when he awoke.

If we would go back to awkward dinners and take out.

If he would stop coming home altogether, finding comfort in another.

And maybe, if I wasn’t so tired I would have corrected myself, repeated the rules we made the first day.

But I simply nuzzled his hair before forgetting blissfully, every worry I ever had. 


	10. That's...Cool?

Yawning I shifted in bed, turning over and rubbing my face into the pillow.

For three tranquil seconds I languished in the feeling of the soft bed, but then I snapped my eyes open and shot up looking around with blurry eyes.

Kakashi was nowhere to be found.

Rubbing my eyes and huffing I climbed out of his bed, flushing as I realized my state of undress. I was wearing another silk nightgown.

Tiptoeing out of the room I sneaked to the end of the hallway, peeking past it and to the kitchen.

Kakashi was standing in front of the sink.

Surprised, I had expected him to be gone already as it was past the time he usually left, I pulled my gown's neckline up and shuffled over.   
  
“Isn’t your team waiting for you?” I asked, going for casual but ending up awkward.

Kakashi tensed before turning around with an eye-smile.

I stared at him for a minute debating what to say.

Biting my lip I walked over to the counter to grab a cup.   
  
“So last night-”   
  
“I’m sorry, that was out of line. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Kakashi’s tone was sharp at first, but smoothed out forcefully, making his posture tense but placating.   
  
“I wasn’t- That’s not, Kakashi last night you…had a nightmare? Want to talk about it?” I stumbled over my words, blushing as I remembered his body molding to mine.

It wasn’t unpleasant, but admitting that wasn’t easy. 

“Ahh, thank you for your concern but I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” He said casually as if he didn’t just snap at me a minute before.

I bit my lip and studied him a moment longer before sighing and dropping it. 

“Alright, but I’m here if you-” 

“Thanks but I’m fine.”

A heavy silence hung in the air like a noose hung from a fan and the chair I’m on is shrinking.

I reluctantly nodded and kept my mouth shut.

Kakashi sighed and ran a hand down his masked face, looking more tired than I’ve ever seen him. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled and I just nodded again.

Seemingly unsatisfied with my response he took my hands in his, encasing them with warmth.

He didn’t smile, not even the stupid eye-smile he used when he didn’t want to convey his emotions, or when he wanted to piss someone off, he just stared into my eyes, pleading and guilty. 

“Really, I’m sorry. I’m just…the nightmare just made me a little agitated alright? I’m sorry I took it out on you.” His voice was soft and gentle, cradling me into forgiving him.

But I wasn’t mad, I just didn’t know what to say. Didn’t want him snapping at me again. 

“Yeah, I get it.” I said, at last, realizing he wasn’t going to drop it until I spoke.

Kakashi still seemed unsatisfied and his jaw clenched.

Sighing, he stepped back and ran his anxious fingers through his hair, eyeing me with his onyx eye. 

“So…The Sharingan?” I asked, changing the subject and turning to get some water.

Kakashi leaned heavily against the table. 

“Yeah, I, uh, it was given to me?” He said as a way of explanation.

I raised a brow at him but he seemed too uncomfortable to continue. 

“Thats…cool?” I responded, biting my cheek.

We fell into an awkward silence for a moment. 

“Right, so I should go. The team’s probably waiting for me.” He says hastily, practically jumping from his spot at the ledge of the table and running out the door.

I watched him go silently, confused, and worried about our conversation.

He was a ninja, I knew he must have _some_ trauma, but stumbling upon it was still troubling.

Shaking my head I headed to my room to get ready, I have a big day ahead of me. 

Once done I locked up the apartment and made my way through Konoha.

I wasn’t sure exactly where but I knew Asuma trained with his team on ground eight, hopefully, I could ask around a little and find him. 

It wasn’t easy, but eventually, after asking almost everyone I saw, I made it to training ground eight.

Asuma and his team were, thankfully, there and seemed to be sparring. I watched patiently, awed that such young children could be so skilled.

The ninja life was really something else, compared to mine at least.

Eventually, the spars ended as Asuma directed the children to take a rest.

Then he jogged over to me with a pleased little smile. 

“Lady (Y/N), it’s been a while.” He said, sliding an arm over my shoulder to give me a side hug. 

“Asuma, it’s wonderful to see you. And please, it’s just (Y/N) now, (Y/N) (L/N).” I smiled but then pursued my lips.

“Or wait, no it’s (Y/N) Hatake now.”

Asuma rubbed the back of his neck before lighting a cigarette.

Shaking my head I got back to the task at hand. 

“Asuma, if…someone like me was to look for somewhere to work…where, uh, where would I go?” I squeaked out, blushing at my incompetence.

Asuma seemed to think for a moment before his eyes lit up. 

“The Hokage tower! The Old Man’s been dying over paperwork, he just fired his last secretary too. If you want you can come with us, my team’s got a mission to sign up for and we’re heading there.”

I blinked, taken aback by my luck.

But then I bit my lip. 

“I don’t know, the Hokage is the most powerful man in the Village, being bad at a job specific to him…” I groaned anxiously.

Asuma gave a light chuckle and patted my shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll do fine. Come on, it’s worth a try right?” He asked encouragingly and I nodded miserably.

“Why do you want to work anyways? I thought Kakashi was taking care of everything?” 

“I don’t need him to!” I snapped at him, glaring.

Asuma held his hands up in surrender. 

“I just meant that as a-” 

“I’m well aware I’m financially set.” I growled through grit teeth.

Sniffing, I looked away hotly.

“Mother always said a wife belonged in the home, but I’m going crazy doing nothing all day.”

Then I dropped into a mumble, glaring at the grass.

“Besides, it’s not like I have anyone to keep me company.”

There was a pause before Asuma started laughing.

Glaring at him I crossed my arms like a pouting child.

Asuma chuckled and nodded before rounding up his team.

They groaned and whined as they stood on sweaty legs. 

“Alright team, we’re heading to Hokage Tower for a mission, (Y/N) will join us.” Asuma informed them and we all started walking to the tower. 

“It’s not Lady (Y/N) anymore?” Shikamaru asked as he yawned obnoxiously, Ino yelled at him to cover his mouth and he just scowled at her.

Smiling warmly I nodded at them.

Ino eyed me with apprehension, probably confused about my attitude adjustment. 

“Weird. Asuma-Sensei really drilled the title into us.” Choji said between mouthfuls and I raised an eyebrow.

Ino face-palmed and shook her head. 

“Well, the title doesn’t fit anymore.” I said with a bittersweet smile, losing my status wasn’t something I wanted, but I wouldn’t trade it, not now at least. 

“Because you’re married?” Shikamaru drawled lazily, eyeing my hand.

I looked down at it, the diamond ring glinting in the sunlight.

Kakashi said I didn’t have to wear it, but when I saw the sleek silver on his finger I knew that I would.

The ring was small, the band silver and encrusted with two tiny rubies on each side of the slightly larger diamond in the middle.

I liked to fidget with it, the same way I play with the necklace tucked securely under my collar, absently and lovingly. 

“Yes, while the marriage had many perks to my family, I am no longer a daimyo's daughter.”

Absently I reached for the charm around my neck, nudging at the ruby before finding the tag and softly tracing the engravings.

Shikamaru stayed quiet then and I could tell his gears were turning.

Asuma brought us into the Hokage Tower and I traced the same steps I took my first day here.

Kurenai and three children walked out of the Hokage’s office, she gave Asuma a secret smile and followed the bickering boys down the hall, a girl shuffling behind her.

We filed into the office and I stepped off to the side a bit. 

“Lady (Y/N), it’s wonderful to see you. How has things been? Are you moved in comfortably?” The Sandaime asked, smoking his pipe.

I cringed a little, remembering the money my mother snatched off his desk.

Schooling my face into a polite smile I nodded to him.

He hummed, eyeing me before deciding whatever he was thinking wasn’t important enough to address. 

“Team Eight, are you ready for another D-Mission?” He asked instead, turning to Asuma and the children.

The kids gave respectful nods, well as respectful they can get with their personalities, that is.

The Hokage set to dueling out missions and I looked around the room.

It was a large, mostly empty space aside from the enormous desk and endless paperwork. Large windows lined the back wall, overlooking the Village. 

“(Y/N) was looking for some work. I thought she could help you out around the office.” Asuma’s voice cut through my assessment of the room and I snapped my head back to the Hokage, who was now looking at me.

Clearing my throat I nodded and stood a little straighter, Mothers teachings pushing through me. 

“Yes, Asuma said that you could use an assistant, I was wondering if a position was open?”

Of course, I already knew that it was, Asuma said so.

The Sandaime hummed and stroked his beard before nodding. 

“That would be very helpful, but I do hope Kakashi isn’t forcing you to work, your mother insisted on somebody financially stable.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and forced myself to relax. 

“No sir, I merely wish to work. Kakashi has been wonderful.” I say through gritted teeth, what was with everyone assuming I was forced? 

‘ _Kakashi is a good man, he’ll take care of you.’_

I thought back to Asuma’s statement. 

‘ _I don’t need someone to take care of me, I just need someone to care about me.’_ I had responded harshly to him.

Had he not understood?

Kakashi doesn’t have to take care of me, I’m a grown woman.

Why can’t anyone see that?

The Sandaime hummed again and gave Asuma some paper.

Asuma took it and winked at me before ushering the children out of the room.

They each gave me a passing glance before the door swung shut. 

“Alight (Y/N), first things first. I need you to organize the paperwork.” 


	11. Smells Nice

Turns out I’m quite gifted at being an assistant.

In just a few short hours I had the paperwork completely sorted.

Now that I have been working for the better half of a week things have been running much smoother.

Between the groups of time-sensitive and subject of the documents, I’d say there were over two-hundred documents a day.

But that is after removing any documents the Hokage decided weren’t worth looking at.

Aside from helping sort through the documents, I am also in charge of scheduling the Hokage for meetings with the Council and other important gatherings.   
  
At first, I wasn’t sure about working with the man that helped sell me, but I warmed up to him as he groveled over the paperwork.

Soon we fell into a comfortable routine of scolding and pouting.

Sometimes teams would come in, like a man named Gai and his three Genin.

He was an odd man, filled with too much energy and hardened muscle and wrapped in green spandex.

His team consisted of a broody long-haired boy, a mini Gai, and a respectful young lady.

Surprisingly, Gai claimed that he was at the wedding and we disappeared before he could introduce himself as Kakashi’s eternal rival.

Claiming that ditching our own wedding was ‘youthful.’

I tried not to think too hard about what he meant.   
  
Kakashi knows nothing about my work developments.

Ever since he had the nightmare, he’s been very distant.

In fact, he started missing dinner and leaving even earlier. He wouldn’t come home till real late.

When I asked him about it, he claimed that he’s been preparing his team for the upcoming Chunin exam, scheduled for next month.

I had nothing to say to that, so I just nodded and went to bed, but I stayed up all night knowing that this wasn’t because of his students, I couldn't help but feel it was because of _me_.

I wasn’t sure what I did, but it didn’t seem to matter. Kakashi was avoiding me, plain and simple.   
  
Sighing I sorted through the new documents of today.

The doors slid open and I glanced up, seeing a girl with pink hair and pretty green eyes.

I looked back down, uninterested in the Genin looking for another mission.

But then I snapped my head up in surprise and backpedaled.

I recognized that hair.

There were only two pictures in the entirety of Kakashi’s apartment, and she was in one of them.

She was Kakashi’s student, along with a black-haired boy and a blonde with a sunny smile.

Kakashi stands behind them with a gentle hand on either side of the children on the ends.

The other picture was a young Kakashi next to a young boy with dorky goggles and a sweet-looking girl with cute little markings on her face. Behind them a soft smiling blond man with handsome blue eyes.

Kakashi’s sensei almost reminded me of the blonde boy on Kakashi’s team, seeing them side by side.

I would have asked, but Kakashi has never even breached the topic of his past.   
  
After the girl, came the familiar blond boy in a hideous orange jumpsuit and squinted eyes, three whisker marks across his cheeks.

Behind him the black-haired boy with a high collar blue shirt and a scowl to his brows. The kid looked like he never relaxed.

Finally, Kakashi walked in wearing his Jonin vest and holding that stupid orange book.

I bit my lip, this wasn’t exactly the way I hoped to tell him about my job. I didn’t think he would be upset, just…startled. 

“Hey Old Man, tell Sasuke he’s being a real jerk!” The blonde boy yelled out and I immediately realized which one he is.

Naruto, the loudmouth knucklehead with a heart of gold.

Sakura was the only girl so it was obvious she was the pinkette currently scolding Naruto on manners and Sasuke’s ‘coolness.’

Which leaves the scowling boy to be Sasuke, who was currently rolling his eyes at Naruto before briefly pinning them onto me in acknowledgment of my presence before looking to the Hokage. 

It would be a wonder how I managed to evade being seen working by Kakashi.

But every time his team came by I dodged the bullet as the Chunin at the front desk would tell me the Hokage was with someone.

Now though, as I was sitting on the floor by the Sandaime’s desk, there was no dodging this time.

So I stared at Kakashi head-on, gauging his reaction from surprise to confusion and finally to understanding.

Something flashed in his lone eye and I couldn’t tell if I liked the way my insides twisted. 

“Mah, Sandaime, holing up my wife and forcing her to do your job for you isn’t very nice.” His voice wasn’t gentle, the joking manner he said the words falling short as his eye glanced between us suspiciously. 

“Wait, your _wife?”_ Sakura screeched, glancing between us with reddened cheeks.

Naruto blanched and scratched his head, Sasuke merely raised a brow, looking at me with a new interest.

Blushing I tried to school my features, slightly mad at his statement, though I was more confused than anything. 

“Well, _husband_. The Sandaime offered me a job.” I snipped, resuming my work. 

“And that’s why you’re on the ground like a dog?” He mused, clearly attempting to cover up his annoyance.

Annoyance at what I couldn’t figure out. 

“It’s easier to sort things this way.” I growled, forcefully placing the papers down with sharp movements. 

“And you neglected to tell me this why?” He said, voice gaining a new edge like he just realized something.

Like I _lied_ to him.

I stopped what I was doing and stared at him incredulously. 

“Because you haven’t been home. Working with your Genin.” I said, looking to the Genin who seemed far too confused to help clear anything up.

Naruto scrunched up his face and crossed his arms. 

“We haven’t been training _that_ late. Unless my clock has been lying to me!”

Naruto’s eyes went wide with panic.

I snapped my eyes back to Kakashi, hurt flashing as I realized what he must have been doing.

Swallowing down the pinpricks of hurt I restarted my work.

There was an awkward silence that hung heavy in the air, the Sandaime’s pipe the only thing making noise. 

‘ _I bet the ANBU are having a real laugh right now.’_

I knew about the ANBU in the room, Sandaime introduced them to me when I first started.

Sometimes, they would even come out of hiding and talk to me.

At one point I asked about Kakashi’s tag but the ANBU soldier didn’t have much to say.

Just that Wolf must have worn a wolf mask and some other useless information.

Though I still ate it up like candy, practically gasping for Kakashi’s past like air. 

“(Y/N) I…it wasn’t what you think it was.” Kakashi tried to defend himself, but he offered up nothing to help his case.

I nodded and refused to look at him.

The Sandaime interrupted the suffocating silence and sent them on their way, Kakashi sending me one last glance of guilt before he disappeared behind the door. 

“I’m sorry.” Sandaime said, continuing his work. 

“We made rules in the beginning. Kakashi isn’t doing anything he isn’t allowed to do.”

The Sandaime stayed quiet. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Seriously, what the hell was that back in the office?” I practically yelled at Kakashi.

He was sitting on the couch and looking like a kicked puppy.   
  
“I don’t know what you mean.” He responded casually, but he radiated guilt.   
  
"Kakashi, why would you freak out like that? So I didn’t tell you I was working, big deal! You didn’t tell me you were screwing around!”

I bit my cheek and tried to steady my breathing, willing the tears to evaporate.

Kakashi snapped his head up and stood so fast I got whiplash watching him.   
  
“(Y/N), holy shit I wasn’t sleeping around!” He yelled, eyes wild and horrified.

I scoffed and shook my head.   
  
“Look Kakashi, I get it. It was in the rules. I’m just pissed that you lied to me.” I said, bringing my tone from harsh to soft and placating.

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair.   
  
“Fuck, I wasn’t-I. Dammit (Y/N) that’s not what I was doing.” His tone dripped to desperate and I furrowed my brows. 

“Then what were you doing?” I exasperatedly asked, shaking my head in defeat.

Kakashi remained silent and I scoffed. 

“You know, when I refused to answer Drake would punish a maid instead. He had a real temper, and the power to get away with anything.”

I shivered as I remembered all the tears and screams and begs.

I looked at Kakashi with haunted eyes.

“Nothing’s worse than having to watch someone else beg because of you. Protecting the truth isn’t always worth it.” I sighed softly, looking away from him. 

“My Sensei died protecting the Village, so did my teammate. My other teammate, she died because of _me_. And my father committed suicide. But now they are all in the same place. Buried or their names engraved in the cemetery. I went there. I go there, every morning, for hours. That nightmare I had was about Rin, my teammate, and I went to her grave every night. That’s why I wasn’t home.” Kakashi’s voice was barely a whisper and I watched him collapse onto the couch.

He continued as if a dam was broken and his past couldn’t help but rush out. 

“I killed her.” He said brokenly and I rushed to his side, falling beside him and gripping his hand.

“I stuck my hand through her chest. I didn’t mean to, it was an accident. But I-I _killed_ her!”

Kakashi seemed to break and I wrapped my arms around him. 

“My father killed himself because everyone shunned him for forgoing a mission. Sensei and his wife died saving this Village. Obito ended up crushed in the war. They’re all gone, but I’m still here.”

I ran my fingers through his hair. He pushed me down harshly, holding himself over me as tears fell onto my face. 

“Why am I still here when they aren’t?”

Reaching up I stroked his cloth-covered cheeks and smiled sadly. 

“Because people still need you, your team, your friends, this Village. _Me_.”

I pulled him to me gently and he allowed himself to lower until his nose bumped mine. 

“They are gone, Kakashi, their fights are over. You’ll meet them again, hopefully not until your old and senile.” I joked and swiped a tear from his eye.

“But you’ll meet them again. In the meantime, those students of yours need you. Hell, _Gai_ needs you! And Kakashi…I want you.” I whispered to him.

Kakashi stared into my eyes, too many emotions for me to place.

But then he was moving away to a safe distance and I sat up, slightly disappointed. 

“You, lost your father right?” He asked and I nodded. 

“He died when I was thirteen.”

Kakashi gave me a sympathetic nod. 

“I was six.”

I bit my lip and nodded back.

“I’m sorry I was such a dick back at the tower. I was just…surprised.”

I gave a nervous chuckle, though I had a feeling that wasn't all he felt back there. 

“Well, now we were both called dogs.” I joked and Kakashi let loose a breathless laugh.

His eyes dimmed and I could clearly read the guilt he felt. 

“I guess I have to add another to my pack.” He said, voice light like a joke but a heavy meaning to it, I tilted my head.

But he just smiled mischievously and placed a hand on the foot table.

A dog appeared in a puff of smoke and I gasped. It was small, a cute brown pug, with darker fur around his ears and muzzle. 

“This is Pakkun. My Canine summon.”

The dog woofed and then watched me with a critical eye. 

“She smells nice.” He said and I sat up straight as he spoke.

Kakashi scowled at him. 

“Oh my god!” I reached over and snatched him up into my arms.

Pakkun yelped but then cuddled close. Kakashi eyed him with disdain.

We stayed up almost all night talking,   
Pakkun settling comfortably on my lap.

Before I knew it we were passing out, Kakashi and I opposite on the small couch, legs entangling and Pakkun standing guard.

For the first time since Kakashi’s nightmare, I fell asleep with a smile. 


	12. They All Want Fucking Snacks

The next few days were pleasant, I practically hummed with satisfied energy.

Kakashi was coming home again and I was enjoying work with the Hokage.

Life was good.

I didn’t have to worry about my mother or Drake, or all the expectations I would never meet.

It was just _me_ , me and Kakashi and Pukkan.

Yes, I had insisted Pakkun join us as often as possible.

Kakashi didn’t seem as excited about the prospect of having, by all intents and purposes, a pet around the house, but he relented with a frown and a heavy sigh.

Pakkun could often be seen lounging around the couch, face set in a bored scowl until I gave him attention.

Kakashi often removed Pakkun when, at least to Kakashi, Pakkun became irritating.

Kakashi refuses to explain why he found the dog annoying, even though I’ve asked him multiple times for a reason.

He would just walk in on our cuddling time, Pakkun's always happy to keep me company and he loves belly rubs, and demands the dog leave.

It annoyed me but then Kakashi would pull me away for something or another and I would forget all about the unnecessary attitude to the cute ninken.

Anyway, today I insisted Kakashi bring his little team of children over for dinner.

At first, he blanched at the idea, horrified at whatever scenario he cooked up for himself.

But eventually, I broke him down, reassuring him every worry he had, even if they were about his stupid porn collection.

I was just preparing the meal now when Kakashi walked in miserably, an air of defeat surrounding him.

The children filed in after him, staring at the place wide-eyed.

Well, Naruto was at least, he looked around like it was the most amazing apartment ever, the way visitors to the Manor looked when they walked into the grand hall.

Sakura looked briefly uncomfortable, watching the bare walls in confusion.

Sasuke only glanced around, seemingly uninterested in the space. 

“Welcome home!” I called to Kakashi and didn’t miss the way Naruto and Sasuke flinched, bringing their eyes to me like I said something long forgotten.

I was well aware of the Uchiha Massacre, Mother was furious I wouldn’t be able to marry into the clan, though I was just a girl then.

I knew about Naruto too, but only a little.

I know about who he jails, I know he lives alone, I know that Minato looks too much like him to be a coincidence, and I know the Village doesn’t treat him right.

Kakashi huffs in response and I give a light laugh at his childish attitude. 

“Dinner’s almost done. You three, help me out?”

I looked back to them and they nodded uncertainly before stumbling over.

I directed them and they followed obediently, Kakashi overseeing everything from his spot in the doorway, a soft emotion to his eye.

I smiled into the pot I was stirring in triumph.

I knew this would all work out, having these children here would help him relax.

Once done I called them over and directed them to get the food.

Watching them until they were safely seated at the table before getting my own.

Kakashi always waits for me to grab my food before he grabs his, a way of respect or caring or just making sure I eat right. 

Once at the table I began to dig in before realizing the children hadn’t.

Kakashi came to sit down next to me and across from Sakura, while Naruto sat on the other end across from me and Sasuke sat next to Kakashi. 

“It’s okay kids, dig in.” I said, shoveling another bite into my mouth.

Naruto immediately dove in, Sasuke ate like a regular person, and Sakura fiddled with the food, a longing in her eyes. 

“Sakura? Do you not like it?” I asked, mildly annoyed but mainly concerned I wasn’t being a good enough host.

I’ve always been a bit desperate for approval, after all my mother gave me none.

Sakura shook her head and blushed. 

“That’s not it, it looks wonderful. I’m just…on a diet.” She mumbled politely and I eyed her structure.

She was too young to be on a diet as it is, but she was also small in bone structure.

Not to mention her occupation, what the hell does she run on then? 

“Bullshit. You don’t like the food. It’s okay, you don’t need to lie.” I said instead, watching her intently.

Kakashi said that she works best under pressure, she always has something to prove and does whatever she must to prove her worth.

Mother would kill me for swearing, but she wasn’t here, _hasn’t been here,_ and with her absence, my mouth only grew.

Sakura gasped at me and I ignored the way the air stilled around the other three. 

“I’m not lying! I really am on a diet!” 

“If you’re not lying then prove it. Eat.” I demanded and her nostrils flared.

I thought she was going to yell, but then she was shoveling food into her mouth like she was starved.

I snorted in approval. 

“Fuck the diet. You don’t need it. At this rate you’ll never gain any muscle if you keep burning it up.” I said into my fork. 

“But-” 

“Fuck everyone who thinks you need it. Even yourself. You don’t want a diet in an occupation like this. Just eat healthy, train, and sleep appropriately. You’ll be fine, fit as can be. And if anyone says otherwise,”I paused her and looked her in the eyes.

“Then make them regret ever thinking they could give their opinion to you. You’re a fucking ninja, not some scared little kid, right? It’s life and death for you, stop focusing on things that aren’t important.”

I started eating again. 

“Besides, you’re too young for anything serious, no need to be ashamed of a body you're not showing anyone yet. You’ve got a few years before your appearance should matter to you.”

The table was silent and I looked to Kakashi, wondering if I overstepped.

He gave me a smile and then turned to Sakura. 

“(Y/N)’s right, Sakura you’re fine. If you regret it later than you can blame me, but stop with the diet stuff, it’ll hurt you more than help anything.”

I smiled as Kakashi backed me up. 

“(Y/N)! This is so good! You gotta invite me the next time you make it!” Naruto blurted out, smiling brightly.

I giggled and nodded. 

“Definitely.” I promised, Kakashi side-eyed me and I ignored his disapproval.

Kakashi never did like others coming over, last time I tried to invite Asuma he certainly wasn’t pleased.

I understood, a little.

This was _his_ space, even if it was mine now too, and he didn’t like others encroaching on his territory.

Naruto began to babble about something or another, Sasuke seemingly listening.

I was surprised the kids didn’t try to see his face.

“(Y/N), have you seen it?” Sakura leaned in and whispered.

I frowned and silently asked what she meant. 

“His face!” She whispered urgently, eyeing him cautiously.

I giggled and leaned in close to her ear, Kakashi watching us closely with a secretly amused smile. 

“Nope, but I’ve tried!” I whispered back like a schoolgirl.

Back in the Manor I never got to act like this.

I had thought my freedom was being taken, but in reality, Kakashi set me free, opened up a whole new world. 

“Even his _wife_ doesn’t know what he looks like.” Sakura grumbled and narrowed her eyes at him.

I gave a nervous laugh and changed the topic. 

“You know Sakura, what can a girl like you get out of a diet? You’re young, healthy, active, cute. I don’t get it.”

Sakura bit her lip and fiddled with her fingers. 

“I want to be a snack instead of a treat.”

I blinked down at her.

“What does that even mean?” I asked incredulously, furrowing my brows. She blushed and looked away for a second before looking back at me and leaning in. 

“It means…well a treat is something that people only have once in a while you know. But a snack is something people have all the time.”

I blinked at her again and narrowed my eyes. 

“You’re too young for that type of thing.” I said bluntly and her eyes widened and she started stuttering. 

“No! I mean, it’s just a figure of speech, for someone who's attractive. Not to necessarily…you know.”

Sakura looked like she was going to melt.

My lips quirked up and I smirked at her. 

“I think I get it. Well Sakura, you can be a snack right now, but once you’re older you’ll be a whole damn meal.”

Her eyes went wide and she flushed violently, turning into a tomato.

I giggled and then frowned, a thought rolling around in my head. 

“Well, I think I’m a meal, but no one seems to be hungry.” I mumbled and Sakura tilted her head in confusion.

“They all want fucking snacks.” 

“Well I’m fucking starving and a snack’s not gonna cut it.” Kakashi’s voice blanketed over everything else, but not because he was loud, in fact, he was just barely above a whisper.

No one else seemed to hear it. It was said under his breath and seemingly without thought.

But it caused my heart to start jackhammering and my cheeks to heat up as I fumbled with my fork, working my other hand to clench at my necklace. 

“What?” I gasped out, staring at him wide-eyed.

He seemed startled and I saw a bit of red peek out of his mask. 

“What?” He echoed, coughing lightly and quickly grabbing his things and bolting to the sink.

The children watched in confusion, conversations stopping.

I laughed awkwardly and urged the conversation to start back up. 

‘ _I’m hungry too.’_ I thought as I eyed his back. 


	13. What The Hell

Shuffling through the paperwork I sighed tiredly.

Thirteen requests for arranged marriages, some even for the young Sasuke. 

‘ _He’s freaking fourteen, what the hell is wrong with these people?’_

I growled and threw the paper away.

The doors opened and I looked up to see Gai and his team walk in.

Gai and Lee flash me a wide grin, full of sparkling teeth and a thumbs up. Neji nodded to me, and Tenten smiled politely.

I’ve run into Gai and his team a few times since working with the Hokage, along with Kurenai and her team.

I thought that Kiba was just adorable, Hinata was so shy it made me worried, and Shino kinda put me off but he seemed relatively nice. 

“(Y/N), lovely to see you again! Say, Kakashi owes me a match later!” Gai said, crushing me in a hug with his gorilla arms.

I gave a little laugh and smoothed out my slightly wrinkled shirt.

“You’ll have to wait till tomorrow, Kakashi went out on a mission a few days ago. He’ll be back later tonight but I’m sure he’ll be too tired to compete.”

Gai nodded his head briskly. 

“Yes of course, as usual my rival manages to best me. How lucky he is to have a wife like you!”

I cringed and gave a polite smile, Gai was always…eccentric.

The Hokage proceeded to give Gai the mission and they left with their signature goodbyes, Gai giving me another suffocating hug. 

“(Y/N) dear, could you please give these to Yuki?” Sandaime gruffed as he handed me a stack of papers.

Nodding I took the papers and turned to the door. 

“Wait! Sandaime you better fill out those documents! If I come back and they aren’t done I’ll take away those stupid books!” I threatened, turning around to look him in the eye.

Sandaime blanched and eyed his porn collection longingly before looking at the papers in disdain.

Then he sighed in defeat and began working through the pile.

I sighed wistfully. 

“Between you and Kakashi, I don’t know who's Jiraiya's bigger fan.”

Shaking my head I left the office and began the trek to Yuki’s office.

Yuki was in charge of sending off the agreements or apologies from the Hokage.

I looked down at the stack in my arms, reading the first document when I collided with something and the papers scattered. 

“Shit! I’m sorry!” I said, diving down and picking up the papers.

A hand started to help and I looked up to see a man smiling down kindly. 

“No, that was my bad.” He chuckled, pushing back his black hair and his russet brown eyes focusing on the ground.

Once everything was safe from the ground we stood up and he handed me the papers I missed. 

“Thank you.” I said and sidestepped the man, continuing my job.

He fell into step beside me and I raised an eyebrow at him. 

“My name is Mikado, I’m new to the Village and was actually supposed to meet the Hokage.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, he was only slightly taller than me.

“But I’m kinda lost.” I blinked at him and looked around briefly.

I knew of a Mikado scheduling a meeting with Sandaime, but I didn’t think it was such an awkward young man.

Smiling encouragingly at him I nodded. 

“My name’s (Y/N), I just have to drop these papers off first, I’ll take you to him.”

I turned a corner and Mikado followed dutifully. 

“So…you work here?” He asked, scratching his neck. 

“Yes, I'm the Hokage's assistant.”

He nodded and we were silent for a few moments. 

“So how long have you lived here?”

“A couple of months, I moved here when I…got an opportunity.”

I didn’t really want to talk about the whole thing and I’m sure if I mention the arranged marriage he would ask more questions than I wanted to answer.

Spotting Yuki’s room I walked in and placed the pile in front of him. He sighed sadly and immediately got to work and I nodded before walking out and heading back to the Hokage, Mikado hot on my heels. 

“So do you like it here? I mean, I’m a little nervous.” He laughed awkwardly and I felt my heart soften for him.

He was like a scared little rabbit. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll love it here.” I giggled encouragingly and he pursed his lips.

“I think the best spot is Hokage Mountain. It has a beautiful view.” 

“Well then you’ll have to show me sometime.” He asked hopefully, full-on puppy aura wafting off of him.

Despite the initial reaction of rejection, _I’m married after all_ , I found myself agreeing because of his childlike hope that reflected through the crease of his brows.

We reached the Hokage’s office and I opened the door for Mikado, allowing him to shuffle in and bow. 

“Hey! What did I tell you!” I roared when I saw the untouched pile next to Sandaime.

He cringed and smoked his pipe.

Mikado flinched and snapped his eyes towards me in horror.

I flashed him an apologetic grin before stomping over to Sandaime glaring down at him, hands on my hips. 

“(Y/N), we have a guest.” He waved me off and I glowered before smirking devilishly and walked over to his book collection.

One by one I piled them into my arms as he watched in horror. 

“Bear, please take these away.” I said and smirked at Sandaime.

Bear, a tall ANBU man, appeared and took the books from me.

He was a real trouble maker, I got plenty of laughs because of him.

Previously, I had worked out a spot to put the books if the Hokage ever disobeyed. The spot was actually in the secret room connected to the office.

Sandaime will never think Bear put it there, and then he would panic the entire time until he was begging at my feet, all the while they would be perfectly safe and sound.

Bear disappeared and Sandaime stood up from his desk. 

“ _Bear!_ Come back here! Why are you listening to (Y/N)? I’m the Hokage!” Sandaime raised his fist to the air and shook it, face pale with fear. 

“Maybe you should have done your job.” I snipped and Sandaime fell back into his seat. 

“I’m old you know, my heart can’t take this.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. 

“Do your meeting, I have something to take care of.” I said and walked out of the room, but not before giving Mikado a thumbs up and an encouraging smile.

He smiled back, but there was a flash to his eyes, so quick I didn’t think it actually happened, and the door slammed shut with a loud _thud_.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As requested, I took Mikado to Hokage Mountain.

I couldn’t exactly go back on my word after all.

That, and Kakashi wasn’t around to keep me company.

I missed him more than I thought I would. Missed his stupid stunts at acting aloof, I missed his annoyance at Pukkan, I missed eating with him.

The first night he was gone I ate alone like I used to back at the Manor. But something had changed, I couldn’t handle the quiet.

So on the second night, I ate with Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai.

Tonight, Kakashi would finally be home and I couldn’t wait.

I wasn’t sure when he would be back exactly, he could be home right now for all I know, or he could come home when I’m sleeping.   
  
“Maybe I should surprise him?”   
  
“Surprise who?” Mikado asked and I jumped a little, forgetting he was there for a second.

We were looking out at the Village, the sun setting low in the distance.

I wished Kakashi was here to see it, to be with me instead of Mikado. Not that Mikado’s presence wasn’t… _pleasant_.

He was nice, very easy to get along with. I like him and hoped we could be friends.

But he wasn’t Kakashi.   
  
“Hey did you see that?” I snapped my head to Mikado in a silent question.

He pointed behind me and I turned to investigate.   
  
“What? I don’t see anything.” I said, turning to look at him.

He frowned and scratched the back of his head.   
  
“I thought I saw a person. They were kinda creepy, just standing there…staring.”

I frowned and turned back, but no one was there.

Shrugging I looked back to the Village.   
  
“It’s getting late, Mikado. I have to head home.”   
  
“Already?”   
  
“Yeah, I’ve got to get dinner made.”

Mikado gave an unhappy nod.   
  
“We could always get dinner at the Market, I heard they sell really good.”

I shook my head and headed down the mountain, Mikado following close behind.   
  
“I have to make dinner for my husband, he’s getting back from a mission tonight.”

Mikado hesitated for a second, stumbling before regaining his balance.   
  
“You’re husband’s forcing you to cook? Sounds like a real piece of work.”

I blinked at him in confusion, shaking my head incredulously.   
  
“No, I’m happy to do it. He can’t cook very well so I do it. He’s not forcing me to do anything.”

Mikado was silent, a contemplative look on his face.   
  
“Well, if you ever need a friend, I’m here.” He smiled at me and I nodded, smiling back.   
  
“Well I should go. I’ll see you later.” I waved Mikado goodbye and headed off, excited to get home and see Kakashi.

I want to do something special for him, after all, he must have worked hard on the mission.

Mentally, I ticked off all the ingredients it takes to make his favorite dish and hummed in satisfaction that I had everything. 

When I got home I immediately set to work, Kakashi wasn’t home yet so I had time to get everything together.

I quickly changed into one of the pretty but casual dresses my mother didn’t destroy and sat on the couch to wait for him.

An hour ticks by and I couldn’t wait anymore, so I ate some dinner and put it away, hoping that he would show up soon.

I went to wait on the couch.

Another hour passed and I grew tired.

Stubbornly I tried to stay up, but after a few hours, the sky inky and the animals quiet, I fell asleep, cold and worried.

He was supposed to come home tonight.

But he didn’t show. 


	14. Like Mother Always Said

A loud bang awakens me.

Snapping my head up I looked around frantically for the source of the noise.

I was still on the couch, the sun just starting to light up the room.

I looked to the kitchen to see a head of silver hair slamming the fridge shut.

Jumping up I stumbled to him.   
  
“Kakashi! Are you okay? You were supposed to be home last night!” I said frantically, flocking around him uncertainly.

He seemed tense, annoyed even.

“Kakashi?” I asked hesitantly, raising a hand to touch him.

Kakashi jerked away from it and shot me a glare.   
  
“The mission ran a little late. I’m going to sleep.”

I snapped my arm down, nodding solemnly. I bit my lip to hide the hurt I felt at his tone.

Kakashi walked past me, his movements were jerky and controlled. Stiff.

I followed him at a safe distance and watched him disappear behind the bathroom door.

Sighing I went to my room, unable to stand being in the open area of the living room.

What just happened?

Was he just tired?

I leaned against my door, listening to the running water of the shower.   
  
The shower cut off abruptly and I opened my door to peak out.

I felt like a child again, watching the maids bustle around through the crack in my door.

Kakashi walked out in a towel and I couldn’t help the blush forming across my cheeks.

His muscles rippled and I swallowed, licking my suddenly dry lips.

But then he turned to walk into his room, the room directly across from mine, giving me a clear view of his back.

Maybe in different circumstances, I would have appreciated the low dip of his towel or the wet droplets that trailed down his sculpted muscles, begging for attention. 

But I couldn’t.

Because upon his back, from shoulders to waist, four red trails decorated the muscles.

 _Scratches_.

Kakashi disappeared behind the door.

Gently I closed my door and calmly walked to my bed. Sitting down I tried to stifle the rapidly changing emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.

I knew what those were, while I wasn’t very experienced in the field I wasn’t _naive_. 

‘ _He cheated.’_

I stared at the far wall and clenched my fists as a way to ground myself. 

‘ _No. There was nothing to cheat on. We aren’t…it’s perfectly acceptable. It’s in the rules. It’s…it’s not fair!’_

I buried my face in my hands and silently cried, years of practice allowed me to quiet the sobs. 

‘ _Was she prettier? Better? Was I not good enough, like Mother always said? I thought that he…That he…’_

Shaking my head furiously I rubbed my eyes. 

‘ _I stayed up waiting for him! I- He lied to me! Why are people always lying to me?’_

Taking a deep breath I reeled in the mounting breakdown.

‘ _Father lied when he said he’d always look after me. Mother lied when she said she loved me. And now Kakashi lied too.’_

Standing up I brushed the tears from my eyes and headed to the door.

Stealing my expression I left the room and headed to the shower. Washing away the evidence of my tears I buried the pain deep down.

I’m going to go about my day like any other. Make breakfast, leave the house. I just have to get through this and I can go cry up on Hokage Mountain.

I just have to manage breakfast. 

‘ _Alright (Y/N), you can do this.’_

Nodding determinedly I got dressed and then started breakfast, busing myself with cracking eggs and popping toast. 

“(Y/N).” Kakashi’s voice startled me and I almost dropped a slice of toast. 

‘ _Shit! Why couldn’t he have just stayed in his room?’_

Deciding to play innocent I hummed in acknowledgment, refusing to look at him.

Kakashi sighed helplessly. 

“(Y/N), I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was just…tired…” He trailed off, a bit unsure.

I scoffed, unable to stifle it in time. 

“I bet.” I said, gulping and relaxing my face.

Kakashi stayed a safe distance away. 

“(Y/N), really I’m sorry. The mission was more irritating than it should have been. Naruto and Sasuke wouldn’t stop fighting.” Kakashi chuckled awkwardly, he tried to play at normalcy, and normally I would have laughed with him.

But this wasn’t normal.

Slamming the plate down I turned to him sharply, but I couldn’t look long before tears appeared and I turned away again.

“I don’t like lying, Kakashi. I thought we discussed this.” I ground out, coming out harsh instead of the intended calm, but at least I didn’t sound as broken as I felt. 

“(Y/N)-” 

“I know you had sex Kakashi.” I snapped, bracing myself against the counter.

Kakashi took in a sharp breath. 

“(Y/N), I’m sorry-” 

“It’s fine. Just don’t lie to me.”

Kakashi went silent for a minute, coming up and grabbing some food, his hand came too close to mine and I flinched back, removing myself from the picture.

Kakashi watched me carefully. 

“(Y/N)-” 

“No. It’s fine.”

It was easier to pretend I was upset about the lying.

And I _was_ at least a little bit.

I didn’t have the stomach to admit anything else. 

“(Y/N) listen to me. It’s not what you think I-” 

“It’s exactly what I think, Kakashi. And it’s fine. I don’t care who you sleep with.”

Kakashi’s jaw snapped shut tight, his eye narrowing dangerously. 

“Yeah, you’re to busy fucking someone else to care.” He scoffed and I gasped, staring at him wide-eyed. 

“ _What!”_ I almost screamed, completely thrown. 

“I saw you with that fucking guy at the Mountain!” Kakashi was suddenly yelling and anger overwhelmed me. 

“What the fuck is your problem? I was just showing him the mountain! He was new to the fucking Village!” I screamed back, furious at his accusation.

Kakashi scoffed and turned away. 

“Right, soon as I’m gone you move on to the next man that gives you attention.” 

“Fuck you! You’re masculinity is so fucking fragile isn’t it? Makes sense, not like you could-”

Cutting myself off sharply I took a deep breath.

“What? Finsish your fucking sentance!” Kakashi snarled and I shook my head.

No matter how much his words hurt, he doesn’t deserve _that_.

There was nothing anyone could have done to protect them, his precious people were gone, and it’s not his fault, not even hurt feelings could justify insinuating that it was. 

“Not like I could what? Keep you satisfied? Yeah, like that _boy_ could do any better!”

Gritting my teeth I headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Kakashi called out frantically. 

“Fucking take a guess!” I screamed and pulled the door open harshly.

“While I’m gone try to fix your fucking self!”

Then I slammed the door shut, tears streaming down and neighbors gossiping. 

_‘I thought he cared.’_


	15. Woof

Staring out at the Village, basking in the morning light, and having a calming breeze combing through my hair, I calmed down immensely.

I didn’t have work today, honestly, the timing couldn’t have been better.

I’m still angry, pissed that he basically called me a whore out of _what?_

Hurt feelings?

I don’t even understand why he got so mad!

Ok, so I’m not _that_ calm.   
  
“(Y/N)? Is that you? What are you doing up here so early?”

I jumped at a voice, hardly recognizing it for a brief second. Turning around I stared the man down. 

“Mikado, I could ask you the same.”

I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries. 

“Well, you were right about it having an amazing view. What happened, why are you crying.”

I bit my lip and cursed, wiping the tear tracks from my cheeks. 

“It’s nothing.” I sniffed, torn between talking about it or not. 

“It’s not nothing. Was it your husband?”

I snapped my head back to Mikado. 

“No! It-” I cut myself off, anything I would have said would be mute, the fact is that Kakashi hurt me. 

“It was, wasn't it? It’s okay, I won’t judge.”

I looked back to the Village.

Mikado squatted down next to me, grabbing my hand. 

“How about coming with me? I make a mean grilled cheese.”

I giggled at his dorky smile.

His smile turned a little wolfish.

“Plus I’ve got alcohol.”

I snorted and nodded, standing up and following him down the mountain.

Maybe going with another man isn’t the best idea, after all, Kakashi just accused me of sleeping with him.

But I needed a friend who wasn’t friends with Kakashi, and Mikado was the only one I had. 

His place was small, just a tiny apartment.

But I welcomed it, needing small and cozy.

I sat at the counter table Mikado had and he started to make the promised grilled cheese sandwiches. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked and I looked down at my hands. 

“Not really. We just argued, said some nasty things.”

Mikado hummed and we went silent. He placed the sandwich in front of me and I smiled gratefully.

Then he gave me a glass of wine, the type of wine my mother often served at her gatherings.

It didn’t quite fit the picture I’ve made of him, but I suppose people are always full of surprises.

Gulping down the sandwich and the divine liquid I felt a happy buzz fill my chest.

I was by no means a lightweight, after all, I had to be able to hold my liquor. I was at every one of those parties my mother threw, and even though the wine was strong there was no way it would pull forth a reaction like this. 

Frowning I felt Mikado move my hair from my neck, leaning down and planting a kiss on it.

He mumbled something and shushed me like I was a child about to throw a fit. 

“You know, I was going to just kill you. But you are _such_ a pretty girl.” Mikado chuckled lowly into my ear and the walls swayed.

I couldn’t tell what was happening, my reaction time stalled and my thought process slowed.

“I asked for your hand once. But your mother rejected me. Said I couldn’t pay enough.”

I vaguely felt myself being lifted and attempted to struggle.

Opening my mouth to scream, my tongue feeling a little numb, I hardly noticed his hand cupping around my mouth and muffling anything I could manage to get out.

Cursing I focused all my attention on his fingers, working my mouth over one of them while he talked. 

“I hate your mother, she destroyed me. What better way to make her pay then to kill you?” He laughed maniacally.

Internally I snorted, knowing my mother would use the opportunity to swindle more money out of the Hokage.

Clamping my mouth down on his fingers I heard him yelp and try to yank his hand away.

Something metallic tasting flooded my mouth and before I knew it I was thrown to the floor.

Mikado kicked me harshly, but whatever he gave me muffled any pain.

I felt myself losing consciousness and fought to stay awake. 

“I was going to give you some pleasure before I killed you, but now I think I’m just gonna-” 

_Woof! Woof!_

Barking rang out and Mikado snapped his head to the side.

Desperately I turned to look, managing to catch a glimpse of Pakkun.

I tried to call out but my words came out garbled.

Something crashed and I snapped my eyes to it. Kakashi was standing over Mikado, kunai out and pressing against his neck. 

“Give me one good reason to keep you alive. You have three seconds.” Kakashi’s voice was low and dangerous, a tone I never heard before.

The urge to grab my necklace almost overwhelmed me, my arm trying helplessly to move. 

“(Y/N)’s watching. Don’t want your _precious_ wife to see the killer you are.” Mikado breathed a laugh, arrogance wafting off of him.

Kakashi scoffed, glancing back at me, worry and fear striking in his lone eye.

Then Mikado and Kakashi were gone in the blink of an eye, Pakkun came over and licked my hand, nudging it. 

“You were drugged with a strong sedative. Don’t worry, Kakashi will be back. Go ahead and sleep, I’ll watch over you.”

Despite the fight to stay awake, I felt myself slipping from reality.

The last thing I saw was Kakashi poofing back and gripping me, holding me to his chest, hand on my cheek.

Guilt and fear swirling devastatingly, lighting up his eye in an ugly way.

I decided I didn’t like it. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Blinking my eyes open groggily, I tried to sit up.   
  
“Careful. Go slow.” Kakashi’s soft and calming voice washed over me and I settled back into the soft bed.

My head was killing me, my body ached, and the blinding lights of the hospital room hurt my eyes.   
  
‘ _Wait, hospital?’_

Flying up I frantically looked around, Kakashi immediately gripped my hand and I zeroed in on his masked face.

Everything came back to me in a rush and tears filled my eyes. Hiccuping I started to sob.

Kakashi gripped me to him like a lifeline, whispering sweet nothings.

It felt like forever before I finally calmed down, face puffy and red. Nose clogged and throat sore.

I felt safe in Kakashi’s arms, content to stay there for the rest of my life.   
  
“Don’t worry, that man will never touch you again. _No one_ will.”

I snapped my head up to stare into Kakashi’s eye, it was darkened with emotions I was too scared to place. 

“Kakashi…What happened to him?” I asked hesitantly, voice breaking a little.

Kakashi scowled like Mikado should never have even been acknowledged. 

“I took care of him.” That was all he said and I pushed him away. 

“What does that mean?” I asked, confused.

Kakashi clenched his jaw. 

“I didn’t kill him if that’s what you’re wondering. Though I’m considering it more and more.” He whispered darkly and it sent shivers down my spine.

I was relieved Kakashi didn’t kill him, if only because Mikado deserved to rot. 

“(Y/N), I’m sorry about everything I said. I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.” Kakashi laid his head upon my shoulder. 

“Why were you mad?” I asked quietly, scared to ruin the moment.

Kakashi went stiff, raising himself from my side. 

“It was nothing, a stupid thing that isn’t important. What’s important is you. How are you feeling?”

Shaking my head I narrowed my eyes at him. 

“Kakashi.” I tsked and Kakashi flinched. 

“Look, it doesn’t matter.” 

“Of _course_ it matters!” I couldn’t help but raise my voice.

Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair and turned from me. 

“Why? Why does it matter? You were almost- Fuck!” Kakashi was tense, shaking.

“Because I’m trying to understand! Please just-” 

“ _No!_ It doesn’t matter! Why are you so hell bent on-” 

“Because I fucking love you!” I screamed, surprising even myself.

Kakashi went deathly quiet and for a second I thought he stopped breathing. 

“Kakashi-”

He was gone before I could finish.   



	16. God He's Beautiful

Currently, Team Seven is participating in the current Chunin Exam.

The last exam is to be held in a month, and they have already passed the first one.

Kakashi, while pretending to be aloof in the situation, is clearly worried about his precious Genin.

He believed in them, but the exams could be dangerous and Kakashi was often protective of his charges. They were his, _his pack_.

For a while, I thought I was his pack too, but clearly, I was mistaken. 

Ever since unceremoniously confessing my feelings, Kakashi has refused to talk about it, instead deciding to ignore the entire thing and pretend everything was the same as before.

And it _was_ , at least to _him_.

He acts like I never said a thing.

But I can’t go back, I’ve come too far, crossed a line. A very thick and sticky line. 

When I think back now, I realize what an idiot I was.

Here I worried if I could love this man, when the real question was if he could love _me._

Honestly, every time I was near him it hurt.

Hurt that he ignored my feelings.

Hurt that I wasn’t enough.

Hurt, hurt, _hurt._

So now I was avoiding Kakashi in a way that was as unnoticeable as possible.

Staying in my room ‘sleeping’ until he left, working late with the Hokage, turning in early because I’m ‘ _tired.’_

Sometimes, Kakashi’s eye would flash with pain, so quickly I would question its existence.

But he never said a word. 

“(Y/N), this has gone on long enough.”

Until now that is.

Sighing I braced myself.

Was he finally going to verbally reject me? I don’t think I could handle that. 

“What do you mean Kakashi?” I asked, attempting to give myself more time by playing dumb.

Kakashi sighed in exasperation, coming to sit down next to me.

I was sitting in my bed, working on a little art project. An imagined ANBU with a wolf's mask.

Closing the little sketchbook I hid it under my covers, not wanting Kakashi to see what I was drawing. 

“You can’t avoid me forever. You’re my _wife_.” Kakashi’s tone was light, a bit strained, but joking and welcoming.

I cringed at the reminder.

I was his wife, but not his _lover_. 

“I’m not avoiding you.”

Okay maybe playing innocent isn’t mature, but I really didn’t want to talk about it.

Talking meant verbal rejection, and a verbal rejection meant squashing the last bit of hope I had.

Kakashi’s welcoming aura turned sour, instantly shifting the air into something dangerous.

Gulping I looked down at my wringing hands. 

“(Y/N). Stop this. Stop avoiding me. Stop working late, stop sleeping early, hell just fucking _eat_ with me! Why can’t we just go-” 

“Because we can’t!” 

‘ _Shit! I wasn’t supposed to say that! I was supposed to just nod dammit!’_

Kakashi was silent, his eye looking desperate. 

“Why not? I don’t understand why we can’t just-” 

“Because I don’t know how!” I screamed, crawling out of my bed and standing up, Kakashi shot up and held his hands out, almost like he was going to grab me. 

“Well then at least try!” 

“Just because you don’t have a heart doesn’t mean I can just-”

Kakashi barked a humorless laugh. 

“Don’t have a heart? Who was the one that fucking _saved_ you? How many times is it now? Who’s going to save you when another fucker comes around hoping to get in your pants?” Kakashi roared and I flinched back. 

“I have other people in my life Kakashi! I don’t _need_ you!”

I could feel Kakashi’s hackles raising even more.

He scoffed, staring me down. 

“Like who? Asuma? He’s fucking Kurenai, looks like you’re out of luck. Maybe you can find another creep like, what’s his name? Mikado?” Kakashi’s voice was almost a growl, threatening, and harsh. 

“Mikado might have been trying to kill me but at least he fucking listened!” I screamed back, tears forming.

“We can’t go back, Kakashi. Not yet. I just need time. Time to get over you.” I whispered brokenly, hanging my head in shame.

Kakashi’s jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists. He scoffed again, practically snarling.

But he didn’t say anything, instead, he stomped over to my desk, where the necklace with my father's charm and Kaksahi’s dog tag was thrown a few days ago.

I couldn’t stand wearing it, knowing that Kakashi didn’t want me. 

Kakashi snatched it up and stomped back to me, well it was his version of stomping, years of his ninja life practically removing the ability from him.

He snatched my hand up and pushed the necklace into it. Gripping my wrist tightly, but not enough to hurt, and looking into my eyes seriously. 

“Wear it.” He snarled and then left, slamming the door behind him.

I blinked and looked down at the necklace in my hand. Remembering when he first gave it to me, after my last ‘ _visit_ ’ to my mother.

I longed to wear it, to feel the cold metal against my skin, to feel the safety of it.

It felt like a claim, a promise of protection.

Not like the pretty ring that had sat next to the necklace when it was on the desk.

That was a claim to, but not one of love, it wouldn’t be until Kakashi placed it on my finger with the feeling of love driving him, not the Council.

Shaking my head I put the necklace back on the desk, next to the ring. 

I wasn’t part of Kakashi’s pack, I couldn’t be until we felt the same, whether because these feelings faded or Kakashi’s grew.

The necklace was a claim.

But I wasn’t _his_.

I traced the engravings before moving to the ruby charm. 

‘ _Father, what should I do? I’m so lost.’_

Sighing tiredly I walked out of the room, quietly leaving the house.

These feelings won’t go away, and once they had filled me with life, now they have left an ache so strong I felt numb. 

“Hey lady? What are you doing out all alone? Want a man to keep you company?” A stranger jeered, and I watched him blankly.

I didn’t realize how long I had walked, finding myself somewhere I wasn’t as familiar with.

The man was handsome, but clearly a pig.

Though, a pig sounded perfect right now.

“Depends.” I shrugged, watching him.

The man blinked, surprised, before breaking out into a smug grin. The man walked forward until he was directly in front of me, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. 

“I’m gonna fill you-”

The man flew ten feet away.

A raging Kakashi took in ragged breaths. 

“You will not fucking _touch_ her!” He snarled, picking the man up and throwing him against the wall. 

“Listen man, she was the one-”

Kakashi tightened his grip on the man's throat.

The man choked and coughed.

Blinking out of my daze I ran to Kakashi, pulling on his arm. Kakashi let the man go after a crushing squeeze. The man dropped to the ground like a fish on land, coughing and sputtering. 

“My _wife_ shouldn’t even be mentioned from your filthy mouth. If I _ever_ see you so much as look at her, _I’ll kill you_.”

The man’s eyes widened and he scrambled away.

Before I knew it I was back in the apartment, Kakashi’s room specifically, and being thrown to the bed.

Kakashi was on top of me before I could even blink, his hand rubbing my hair, the place where the man tucked my hair back. 

“Fucking basterd shouldn’t have touched you. I’ll fucking kill him.” Kakashi was growling, eye jumping around my face.

He ripped his headband off, revealing his Sharingan, his hair falling down in his face a little. 

“Kakashi. I was the one that encouraged him.” I said meekly, heart racing.

Kakashi snarled, hands moving to cup my face. 

“He can’t fucking have you. _No one can_.”

Something swirled in his eyes, an emotion I’ve seen plenty of times from him. But I never wanted to admit what it was.

_Possession._

“Do you even really care? Is this some stupid power trip? Kakashi, you don’t want me. You made that clear.”

I looked away, unable to make the tears stop flowing. Kakashi’s thumb swiped them away, his thighs tightening around my hips. 

“I _do_ care dammit! I care so fucking much it makes me crazy! I told you you’re part of my pack now, and I wasn’t fucking lying! You're _mine!”_ He snarled, ripping his mask down and smashing his lips against mine.

I gasped into the kiss and he took advantage of it, claiming my mouth like a starving man.

Much too soon he pulled away, the only reason I didn’t follow him, was because my breath caught in my throat.

His face was finally visible. 

The scar on his Sharingan eye went down to mid-cheek, a beauty mark dotting the corner of his soft thin lips. Face twisted into one of desperation.

Reaching up I traced his scar. 

‘ _God he's beautiful.’_

“Does that mean you love me?” I asked, taking everything in.

Inhaling sharply at the pure love in his eyes I quivered below him.

“ _God yes_. I fucking love you. You’re mine. I won’t let anyone else take you from me.”

He dived down for another kiss and I happily obliged. 

“ _My_ (Y/N), _my_ wife, my _pack_.” He murmured softly against my lips.

I sighed contently. 

“Yours. Just like you are mine.”


	17. I Don't Need You, But I Want You

Groaning I awoke to an insistent knocking.

Grumbling I climbed out of bed and stumbled to the door.

Kakashi was out of the Village training with Sasuke, apparently, a lot happened during the exams.

I had asked about Naruto and Sakura, Kakashi had already appointed someone else to instruct Naruto.

I could only imagine how well that turned out.

Rolling my eyes at the thought I turned the knob to pull the door open.

Sakura didn’t pass the preliminary.

I was thinking of making a mini feast for the team after the last exam, to cheer them up and celebrate their accomplishments.

I mean, they did pass the first two tests. 

“(Y/N), it’s been awhile.”

Snapping my head to the source of that fatherly timber I gasped, tears springing into existence.

Lunging at the man with long white hair and red lines like tear streaks, I hugged him tightly and he caught my waist. 

“Jiraiya what are you doing here? Kakashi isn’t even in the Village, how did you know I was here?”

I pulled back and examined the man, happy to see he looked the same as ever. 

“Actually, Kakashi sent me a letter telling me that if I ever stopped by to come visit you. I saw your mother recently, she never said anything.”

I nodded, grumbling.

“Sounds like her. Anyways come in, come in.”

A blob of orange dashed past me and I blinked, never even realizing that Naruto was there. 

“Naruto? Was Jiraiya the instructor Kakashi gave you?” I asked, walking to the kitchen.

Naruto made a face, like he ate a lemon, and shook his head. 

“No! He gave me Ebisu! When Kakashi gets back I’m gonna rip him a new one!”

There was a glint in his bright blue eyes that told it as the promise it was.

Giggling I started to make breakfast. 

“You cook?” Jiraiya gruffed, seemingly surprised. 

“Yeah! (Y/N) makes awesome food!”

Naruto was practically vibrating out of his seat. 

“That’s because you only know ramen, and yes I cook. If I don’t we’d probably starve or live off of take out.” I laughed and scrapped some eggs onto plates for the boys.

Well, one boy and one old man. 

“So the marriage. You seem pretty happy.” Jiraiya commented, I knew he was fishing for any dejectedness.

I smiled lovingly at him. 

“I am. It was rough at first. But I’m happy where I am. It’s funny, I thought that this was the worst thing to happen to me. Turns out it was the best.”

I sat down next to Jiraiya and he took my hand. 

“I’m glad. When I found out about the marriage I had every intention of tearing Kakashi apart!”

I laughed and nodded my head.

“Do you love him?” Jiraiya was no longer high spirited.

He was serious.

Pausing I looked into his eyes, remembering how much of a father he was to me.

More than even my own. 

“I wish you were there to walk me down the aisle instead of my mother.” I said, and Jiraiya jerked in surprise before softening and nodding.

I smiled warmly.

“I love him. And he loves me.” I spoke just as seriously.

Then I turned to my food.

“I’m so glad I didn’t end up with Asuma!” I giggled and started to dig in.

Jiraiya laughed and followed suit. Naruto was already done.

Jiraiya, Naruto, and I talked for _hours_.

Having my father figure around made my heart swell. Then add Naruto, who more and more was starting to feel like a son, and I was soaring.

The only thing missing was Kakashi. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jiraiya and Naruto had to leave, something about getting some training and frogs.

Now I was all alone in the apartment.

Slightly sad that no one was around to keep me company I decided I should go out, maybe find Asuma or Kurenai or even Gai.

Maybe even Anko, a spunky woman I met when Kakashi and I went out to drink with his friends.

Anko seemed fun, but the way she eyed Kakashi put me on edge.

Then again, she eyed me the same way and I could tell Kakashi didn’t want me anywhere near her.

Ibiki seemed interesting, a bit stoic.

But then there was Iruka and Genma.

Well, _someone_ had to have some spare time. 

“(Y/N).”

Withholding a scream I reached for the necklace, holding Kakashi’s tag tightly. 

“Kakashi! You fucking scared me!” I cried, taking deep breaths.

He was standing in the middle of the living room.

I eyed him curiously.

“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming back until the exam?” I asked worriedly, walking up and grabbing his hand.

He didn’t say anything, instead, he slipped the ring from my finger.

Watching him nervously I tried to stifle any panic I felt at the removal. 

But to my surprise, Kakashi brought himself down to one knee.

Still holding my hand he stared into my eyes, the love clearly showing through. He slipped the ring onto my finger again and kissed it with his cloth-covered lips. 

“I love you.” He said, standing up and kissing me, this time without the mask. 

“I love you too.” I murmured against his lips.

Pulling back in confusion I cupped his face.

“Now what’s this about?” I asked gently, running my thumbs across his cheeks.

Leaning in I kissed his beauty mark, then his scar, removing his headband to kiss his lidded Sharingan.

It never failed to calm him down. 

“Nothing. I just wanted to see you. I have to go back soon, though.” He sighed miserably and I giggled.

“Wanted to know if you needed me.” He murmured into the skin of my hand.

Grabbing his hand in my other one I kissed his knuckles. 

“I don’t need you.”

Kakashi went stiff and I hid a smile.

“But I want you.”

He relaxed against me again and huffed a laugh. 

“By the way, Naruto wants to kill you for assigning him to Ebisu.” I giggled as Kakashi let go of my hand to rub the back of his neck. 

‘ _Yeah,’_ I thought, smiling up at him.

‘ _We’ll be fine.’_


End file.
